I’m a sucker for the ‘soft Dom’. He’s always been my ideal for me if I’m his submissive.
I don’t like being completely dependent on someone, I never have. But I love the gentlemen who are geared towards a protective, provider-like personality, who just want to spoil and take care of you, but still respects your independence, that we are equals in each other’s eyes.
Recently, I had an interesting conversation on Twitter surrounding the softer sides of domination, and my love for certain titles and domination, despite not being interested in the dynamics they’re often associated with.
DADDY DOM, BUT NOT A LITTLE?
I’ll be honest, I don’t mind the pet name ‘Daddy’ associating it with old fashioned pet names and modern slang. I.e. someone being the boss of something (‘Big Daddy’), or so good at something they’re the ‘Daddy’ of that thing etc. Nothing untoward or anything to do with ‘Daddy issues’. Boyfriend utterly hates it though, for many reasons I can understand. So, obviously respecting boundaries and limits, that’s a no-go.
I’ve said before that most of DD/lg is not something I connect with. Granted, I’m no expert on the topic, but you know when you look at something and it doesn’t click. You know it just isn’t your thing. A square peg in a round hole, so to speak.
That being said, given how my dynamic (we’re not in a kinky arrangement) is with my boyfriend, who is very much a provider in his personality, and likes to look after me, I’ve been, understandably, asked a few times if I am a Little.
Elements of DD/lg, is something I’ve had a weird relationship trying to navigate as I’ve been exploring kink. In general, I do like cutesy stuff when I’m in the mood for it. I like pinks, bows, flowers and very pretty, feminine things. I think stuffed animals are adorable and can be for anyone, cuddling one having helped me with anxiety on more than one occasion. But the two are not connected. I’ve never really seen it as a ‘Little’ thing. I still don’t. No shade Littles, I’m just not one of the club.
I’ve never really felt a burgeoning need to go back to that headspace that many Littles need. In fact, quite the opposite for me. I couldn’t wait to be my own woman, buy my first set of lingerie and feel like a total boss with the freedoms adulthood allows.
Yet I gravitate towards the kind of Dom that yes, is self-assured and taking the lead, but is all about taking care of the sub. I’m not saying other Doms don’t care for their subs, however. I’m talking about the Dom where that caring nature is at the forefront of their domination. Or as some call it: ‘Soft Dom’ or ‘Daddy Dom’. The tough guy with a soft side. The gentle giant. Many years soaking up Hollywood romances and Mills & Boon proceeds me in the type of men I’m drawn to.
But obviously, labels aren’t the be all and end all. I understand that not all Soft Doms are Daddies and not all Daddy Doms are soft. Not all Littles are stuffies and Disney and not all pink wearing, hot-chocolate drinking Disney lovers are Littles.
SAFE & LOOKED AFTER
I find this difficult to say so openly. Coming from humble beginnings and still not in wealthy circumstances by any means, where everything my family and I have, we’ve had to work bloody hard for, it feels selfish of me declaring:
I love being looked after and spoiled.
By spoiled, I don’t mean spoiled rotten. Nor do I mean being showered with an array of gifts I won’t know what to do with. While I love and appreciate gifts, and accept with thanks, I feel an excess of material things doesn’t equal happiness. Nor does the amount of likes on a social media post. I’ve been there, done that. It didn’t bring me joy, so I Marie Kondo-ed it and threw it out of my life.
While I do find happiness in treats, be it a possession or a sweet treat for instance, I also find happiness in simplicity and quiet, appreciating what nature has to offer, finding joy in the little things. For someone who gets anxious about the planet, knowing I can get something second hand and/or looking to nature and simplicity more, it eases that for me, making me feel calmer and overall happier.
Feeling safe and protected is a fundamental aspect to my being submissive. Discussing my traditional side in the past, the ‘provider’ and ‘protector’ traits in a man is something I’ve always been attracted to. Someone who is comfortable in their own selves and is no-bullshit. I can’t do with games. It’s exhausting and unnecessary.
Also, I may be shy and nervous, but I’m no doormat. That’s something being a submissive is synonymous with in certain circles. Again, for me at least, this is not the case. Aside from being a Switch, in kink and general life, I have strong opinions and want to play to my strengths like anyone else. Some might say, my liking for this personality is ‘bypassing feminism when it’s convenient’ as some like to believe.
This is not the case. I don’t expect nor demand anyone to be like that for me, only if they want to be and it’s part of who they are. With my boyfriend, that’s just his way. It’s who he is. That’s his love language, in a manner of speaking. We’re still equals and it’s still a team effort at the end of the day, regardless of what kind of dynamic you have. Neither one of us is superior to the other when it really comes down to it.
That is my ideal Dom type: the gentleman who knows when not to be gentle. 😉 The Dom who will pamper me then fuck me calling me his dirty little slut. The Dom who will cuddle me and take me over his knee for a naughty funishment. Yeah. That. Unf.
So altogether I guess it comes down to that famous phrase: Treat me like a princess. Fuck me like a whore.
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