My traditional side

Honestly, I was a little unsure about publishing this post. It’s been an idea in my head for a while with a few attempts, but I’ve decided just to say ‘sod it’ and write the damn thing.

I generally consider myself a ‘modern traditionalist’, having mixt of modern and traditional values. However, being surrounded by a whole lot of change politically, socially, economically etc. it can be a bit of an interesting moment when I express my more traditional side. To add some context: I’m a 25 year old woman.

My traditional side usually comes out as so:

When I’m not at work, I find myself quite in my own little element taking on a more housewifely role. I’m the less dominant partner in the relationship. I enjoy homemaking when not at work. I like to knit, learning to sew better and feel at least basic home economics for everyone is important. I may have an assortment of homemaking books (including a recipe book from Mrs. Beeton) on my Kindle. I’m a firm believer in make do & mendable with more ethically shopped items i.e. from charity shops.

If I ever have kids, I’d be happy to take on the role of a stay at home mother and wife, providing I can do something for myself to earn, so I don’t go completely insane! Typically, I’m quite traditionally feminine in my overall tastes, particularly in material things like clothes, hair and makeup etc.

Usually, the people who know this about me have expressed no issue with it. It might not be their thing but that’s me, and vice versa. That’s what I love about my folks and friends. We embrace everyone’s differences even if we disagree.

But I have, like many of you probably have for your own quirks that make you so wonderfully you, had a few odd looks or questions. Mainly this:

But why? 

So here I am, answering a few of the questions I’ve been asked because of my more traditional idiosyncrasies. Note: this isn’t sarcasm or just generally being facetious. I like answering questions, providing they’re not meant in jerkish-ness.

Does your boyfriend make you cook for him? No. I enjoy cooking for him. Especially if I’m home before he is, I like knowing he’s coming home to a hot meal and a hug and kiss. I may not have a killer vintage dress to go with it, but I’m working on it! XD

So he does nothing? Far from it. He works bloody hard. So if I’m at home more I look after the house so it’s one less thing for him to stress about. When I’m at work, he’ll do the same. We’re very much equals in the relationship and look after each other, playing to each other’s strengths. Those strengths just happen to be a little more old school.

Is it, like, a religious thing? Nope. Primarily, this has been my most common question as to why I don’t drink. I find many things traditionally associated with women resonates with me. However, I say the same for things traditionally associated with men. I’m no stranger to lifting and shifting with a group of blokes if need be! If you can do it, who cares what gender you are?

Anyway, I’m deviating.

I’m not majorly religious. I’m agnostic. Sometimes I feel closer to feeling my own faith in God, other times not. I like having a few moments to myself in a church, and sometimes attend. I read religious scriptures. I find them calming, that some of it resonates with me. How certain verses are written are beautiful, poetic (Proverbs 31 from the Bible being a particular favourite) and I feel it’s important to learn about them. While for some it has religious significance, which is their prerogative, this isn’t the case for me.

Did your family raise you to be this way? I was raised in a very egalitarian household, hence my mixture of old and new school. I was never told I couldn’t be more ambitious then the guys, quite the opposite. I had it drilled into me never to let anyone tell me I couldn’t do something because I was a woman. Especially so by my father. They’ve always told me they want me to be happy, whether that’s as a high-flying CEO or a traditional housewife.

Traditionally speaking, I took a lot of influence from my maternal grandparents. I always had a thing for vintage style and wondered how things were like when they were my age (they married in the late 1950s). I admired their dynamic and wanted as solid a relationship as they had in my own. Can’t begrudge a girl for that!

But don’t you want to have a career? Of course I do. I’m dedicated to my work as a writer and my regular job. I work hard for what I have and like earning my own money. It gives me autonomy and I don’t like the idea of being financially dependent, having to ask my future husband permission for money, like many in the past have before women in the workplace became more accepted. That being said, I don’t begrudge anyone for having a stay at home husband/wife dynamic if that’s what works for them.

Don’t you just dress that way for men? I dress what I consider feminine for myself. It’s a part of who I am. Just how you express yourself with your clothes, I do with mine. If it impresses someone, I’m not complaining! It’s nice to receive compliments, providing they’re not being sleazy thinking they’re entitled to you. Also, I like both men and women, so if I was? Then it wouldn’t be to impress just the men, but a few lovely ladies too! XD

But doesn’t that make you anti-feminist? *Groans* No. I’m for equality just as much as the next person. Sexism, racism, homophobia, xenophobia etc. needs to be drop-kicked head first into Room 101, never to return. Thankfully, I live in a part of the world where I can have a career and have the freedom to choose what is most fulfilling to me. I have the privilege of having had an education. Many people still don’t have that luxury.

In a world where honour-based killing, forced marriages, FGM, poverty, homelessness, domestic abuse and war are happening, we need to concentrate on tackling those. Instead of the politics of whether me cooking for the man I love, or my fondness of knitting scarves and blankets is considered ‘anti-feminist’. There’s work to be done and it’s far from over.


All my love,

Violet xx