CW: Brief mention of harder kinks such as knife play, CBT and permanent marking. Reader discretion is advised.
“Pleasure is sweetest when ’tis paid for by another’s pain.” – Ovid
I suppose this quote could be considered in many contexts, interlinking with the following: ‘Karma has it’s way’. ‘Revenge is a dish best served cold’, ‘A dose of their own medicine’ etc.
But, considering this is a sex blog, I’ll be focusing on how this quote relates to sadomasochism in sex and kink.
I wouldn’t consider myself an out and out sadomasochist. That being said, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have some sadomasochist traits in my kinks and fantasies. I’m no pain slut by any means, but the sensation of a little pain to enhance the pleasure really does it for me.
Light to moderate spanking, having my hair pulled, run of the mill roughness in the bedroom. It adds to the sensual pleasure, rather than overwhelming and cancelling it out. So do I even consider it pain? I suppose I consider it an extension of my pleasure. An aid, if you will, as my brain will always associate out and out pain as, ‘Bad. Stop. Don’t like.’
On giving however, I’m more comfortable with upping the ante, with a consenting partner of course. But ONLY if it gives them pleasure. If receiving pain play or impact play is their thing, and they have a higher pain tolerance than me, withinneach other’s limits, knowing that gives them pleasure? I’m ok with that.
I can never subscribe with someone hating receiving, but enduring it to please their Dom/me, with consent of both partners. If that’s your jam, no judgement, but I’d personally feel terrible if I was on the giving end, and well, definitely wouldn’t enjoy on the receiving either. I just can’t do it. It’s why I can’t do punishments, only funishments.
Pleasure is at the heart of it for love, sex, BDSM and kink for me. The last three in particular, I’m rather hedonistic. Perhaps I’m a bit Marie Kondo-like with kink: If it doesn’t spark me joy, out it goes!
I can only do so much with pain and impact play however. Hardcore cock and ball torture for instance (often referred to as CBT, and no, I’m not talking about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy!), bruising and other more extreme and/or permanent marks has never, and will never, be my cup of tea. My brain associates it purely with hurting people. I see no pleasure in it for me to give that person, or to receive for that matter. That’s just how I’m wired.
That being said, the thought of knife play by cutting my shirt and ripping it open is rather hot…
Sensuality and power exchange is absolutely where it’s at for me; the foundation of my sexuality and my tastes in kinky play. My kinks, however gentle or sadomasochistic, are built from that. It’s rooted in the psychological fun of Dominance and submission (D/s) and the exchange of not just power, but pleasure.
Something as simple as a cuddle and a ‘good girl’ can be kinky for me. Something as intricate as a thoroughly planned out brat taming scene (me being the brat, of course!) with harder spanking and rougher sex is kinky for me too.
Either way, I need that balance. I need the sensuality of two partners with chemistry. The kinky version of, ‘wine me, dine me, then take me back to luxurious hotel room and fuck me.’, if you will. Give me the satin as well as the leather. Give me the kisses as well as the bites.
Give me the pain hand in hand with the pleasure.