Throwing labels out the window

On By MissVioletGreyIn BDSM, Blog, Blogging, D/s, Erotic Romance, Erotica, Poetry, Romance, Uncategorized, Writing

Ah labels. Labels labels labels.

Though certain labels have helped me over the last few months i.e. switch, as a point of reference, I’ll happily hold my hands up and say as a newbie, I well and truly fell head first in to the label trap.

I suppose to find a name for a feeling that I couldn’t explain or pinpoint came as a source of refreshment when I first started looking at D/s. I’d be reading away and thinking, “Ahhh! So that’s what it is!” At the time, it gave me a sense of anchorage so I could focus on growing and exploring away with my partner.

But as time’s gone on, looking back at some of my earlier posts on me and my partner exploring our kinky sides, I’m throwing labels round here, there and everywhere!

Now, I’ve got no issue saying I switch between Dominant and submissive as that’s what I do. At the moment, switching is what I resonate strongest with. Right now I’m more submissive on that spectrum and I’m loving every minute of it! But I don’t wish to slap a label on like, “I’m a submissive leaning switch forever and ever amen!” that be that and feel like I can’t be anything else. That wouldn’t be any fun at all.

I can’t go talking like I’m some expert on the subject because I’m definitely not. This is just basically me trying to make sense of everything that’s going on in my head. Overtime like anything, we change, we grow etc. Earlier on this week I tried things that I would have put on my hard limit list in the past, and I actually enjoyed them!

I suppose after so long of wanting to dive head first down the kinky rabbit hole, trying to find your feet by delving in to as much information as possible, can leave you with the problem of inadvertently trying to pigeon hole yourself.

Am I a sensualist? Am I a submissive? Am I a Domme? Am I masochist if I like this or that? I have some kitten-like traits but I’m not a pet…? Spankee? Spanker? Babygirl? Experimentalist? Disciplinarian? Fetishist? Service submissive? How can I choose one when I’m a lot of things?

It’s exhausting for lack of a better word! There’s so much information about the history, the politics, the play itself, that I got completely lost in it at times.

It gets to point where you realise trying to put yourself in a little box doesn’t work, because us human beings just aren’t like that. We’re a myriad of different traits and quirks.

I’m not bashing anyone who feels comfortable using a label/s for themselves. If that’s what works for you, then more power to you! Do what works best 😊

But as time’s gone on, the more I think of labels the more constricting things get for me right now. To reference a fantastic comment I received earlier on today from sirsnumber1kitten, she spoke about taking parts of what you enjoy and creating that loving environment where you can explore these things and letting the experience be joyful. She hit the nail right on the head and thank you kitten for putting it so eloquently! 😊

So when all said and done, you can have all the labels in the world but without that love, trust and communication etc. you won’t be able to build. That’s what really matters at the end of the day 💓

All my love,

Violet xx

*Picture – Pinterest

15 thoughts on “Throwing labels out the window”

  3. Reblogged this on Journey to Submission??? and commented:
    I just had to reblog MsViolet’s post today because I agree with everything she says in here about labels. I too got caught up in the trap of wanting to fit into certain labels. Until I realized it was stifling me. I can’t pick just one. I’m all things at different times or a number of things all at once. Or just one thin for a moment.
    I don’t fit into a nice neat label or box. Domme. Mommy. Little girl. Switch. Top. Bottom. Kinkster. Sadist. Masochist. Mistress. Hedonist. Slut. Good girl. Bicurious. Heteroflexible. My goodness! How would I pick just one?
    I’m ME. That’s the only label that fits me. And I’m…. happy with who I am! I accept who I am. I am enjoying who I am. It’s a nice stage to be at. Finally.

    Liked by 2 people

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  4. I too have a tricky relationships with labels. I think we use them to make sense of things and they can be great at making you feel like you fit in but they can also be restrictive and force you to feel like you have to match someone else’s definition rather than being free to be who you are.

    Liked by 2 people

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  5. collaredmichael

    I care little about labels! I try and just “be”. I try and relate to people as they are at that time. That may change as time moves forward—so I adjust. I need to accept people as they are!

    Liked by 1 person

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  7. AC @ The Cracked Lens

    Well said, Violet. I agree, over time, we develop and grow. Often it is beyond the labels that are either applied to us, or applied by us. Some things, regardless of labels, are also ingrained in us and a part of who we are.

    Liked by 1 person

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