NOTE: This post is brought to you in partnership with Honey Play Box, a sex toy store brand in California. If you click my affiliate links throughout this post and enter VIOLET at checkout, you receive a 20% discount. I also receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. A massive thank you to Honey Play Box for sponsoring this post!

As most of you know, I like to say I am sex positive. I firmly stand by the train of thought that people should be able to explore their sexualities safely, sanely and consensually. Keep it safe, between consenting adults and not anything you shouldn’t be, explore away.

I’ve spoke a bit on my blog about using sex toys, reviews of sex toys etc. But I don’t think I’ve really written about just how they can be a great tool (no pun intended) to help us be more sex positive. Not only as an aid during sex with a partner, but in your own sexual pleasure alone.

IT’S NOT A COMPETITION

First of all, we’ve got to confront the stigma: Sex toys are not your competition. There’s still the adage circulating on social media, that if you own a sex toy, it renders your partner sexually inadequate. They have to “compete” with a machine. This is not true. No matter how good we are at giving, receiving and enjoying pleasure with our partners, a person and a machine cannot be compared. They are two different things.

Sexy toys are not here to be a competition. They’re here to help, aid and heighten sexual pleasure. To help us explore our bodies and sexualities in a safe way, either alone or with a partner.

A WHOLE NEW WORLD: SOME ADVICE FOR BEGINNERS

I got my first vibrator at 20. Even with all the information now at our fingertips, making the first step to buy your first sex toy can be incredibly daunting. Especially so if, like me, you are walking into a sex store (Ann Summers for me) and feel asking for advice in person can be a bit embarrassing. Now, with the convenience of online shopping, you can discern what looks right for your needs in the privacy of your own home. Many brands even offer discreet packaging with their deliveries too now, which is another plus!

I recommend starting small. There are toys that are large and have multiple functions, so I recommend looking for simpler toys for beginners. If you have a vulva and vagina, something like a clitoral vibrator or clitoral suction toy can be a good starter, especially if clitoral stimulation gives you pleasure. If you’re looking for something more interior, perhaps something for the g-spot, or a multi-use g-spot and clit toy may be more to your liking. If you have a penis, an automatic masturbator with a simple interior sensation pattern can be a good place to start. Honey Play Box has various sex toys for penis owners to fit your wants and needs.

SEX: THE FINAL FRONTIER?

In the spirit of exploration, we discover new vibes! To boldly cum like we’ve never cum before! Ok, I’ll see myself out…

Aside from my attempt to put my sex life and nerdery together, incorporating sex toys into your sex life is very much an exploration (with or without a bald, smooth talking Englishman!). Let’s face it, sexual education for most of us (especially in earlier generations where certain sexual things just weren’t talked about) was incredibly bare and basic. I’m 28 and there’s a lot of stuff I’m learning, that would be considered basic knowledge surrounding my anatomy, and how it works surrounding sex and pleasure.

With certified sex educators working with sex toy companies, our exploration can also be an education in more ways than one. Learning from experts while learning on the job, so to speak, by purchasing and using various sex toys. We learn things about how our bodies respond to various stimulus. It will be trial and error in some ways, but the more we learn, the more learned about our sexualities we become.

For example, clitoral stimulation is a sure-fire way for me to reach orgasm. I also LOVE receiving oral sex. So something like a clitoral suction toy would be a great choice for me. Internal vibrations don’t work for me, but it might be someone else’s primary way to pleasure. What we learn is every person and every body is different. There’s no one cookie cutter way for feeling good.

BREAKING DOWN SHAME

As many of us know and sadly, have experienced, our societies still have a lot of shame surrounding sex. Being a sex writer and a person of faith, I see this a lot from both sides of the coin. People made to feel ashamed of themselves for who they love, what gives them pleasure, and how they express themselves. There is no positive thing to say about this. It causes significant harm and can leave lasting scars.

There are various sex positive, non-judgemental ways to tackle this culture of shame we find ourselves in. Comprehensive sex education is one of them, along with sex therapy if that’s something you wish to seek etc. While sex toys are certainly no cure all, they can be beneficial to some looking to explore their sexualities they’ve been taught for many years to repress or be ashamed of.

This goes back to my exploration section (sans the Star Trek-themed title). Exploration and open mindedness is an antidote to shame and repression. It breaks down the barriers that should never have been put up. Sex isn’t a dirty word and you never have to feel ashamed for what sex toy or lack thereof makes you feel good. It’s about making the safest and most well informed choices for you.

And if that means have a dozen vibrators in your drawer, you go for it.

Picture credit – Pinterest