I have few rules when it comes to relationships, but the ones I do have I stand by strongly.

Now I don’t have a comprehensive list, so to round up it falls into the ‘dont be assholes to each other.’ camp. Respecting each other, honesty and communication are paramount and bare bone deal breakers for me. What type of hair or how tall someone is is just trivial. When you love someone, that shouldn’t matter.

Same with my boyfriend. One rule he stands by and that I’ve learned from him is never to go to bed angry with each other. In the beginnings of our relationship, my way of dealing with the tough stuff was by being alone and festering until it ran its course.

When I tried to do this, he wouldn’t let me. He’d sit me down and insist that we talk everything through until it was sorted, because he refused to let the sun go down on any frustration or anger we had because of a disagreement or argument.

I’m grateful he did this because it’s not only led me to a healthier way to be in a relationship, but cemented to me just how important communication is in a relationship.

Thankfully, we’re not the type to argue often. But when we do (because people in relationships still do no matter how good communication is), even if we do just need 10 minutes away from each other, it gives me comfort knowing we can be completely honest with one another, hug and kiss it out after and learn from the experience so we can move forward.

We’re not in a D/s relationship like many fellow bloggers I know are. That being said, reading your posts and insights into how you navigate your roles in your dynamics had me examining mine and my boyfriend’s dynamic more in depth. He has a strong caregiver nature and likes to make sure his little (insert pet name here) is taken care of.

In between my headstrong, stubborn personality of everyday work and studies, I like to make sure he is taken care of. Making sure he has everything he needs, making him a cup of tea (especially if he’s had a tough day at work) sorting out laundry (with me being freelance and a student, I’m at home more than he is) tidying up, cooking him a nice tea when he gets back etc.

As well as plying him with cuddles, kisses and reassuring him that yes, he is doing a good job of doing what he loves, looking after me (Lord knows why!!) He often worries he isn’t doing a good job of this, as he doesn’t want me to feel like I’m being neglected and that he’s not putting our relationship first because of his crazy busy work schedule. This couldn’t be further from the truth. He’s such a big softie underneath, he couldn’t even if he tried, bless him!

I think one ‘rule’ in general society we both hate is the idea that one person has to ‘wear the pants’ in the relationship. I’ve been guilty of joking about this in the past because it’s ‘the relationship thing to joke about’, but as I’ve got older the concept doesn’t make much sense to me and not really something we give any thought to.

Even if you have a more traditional relationship and/or in a D/s relationship, it’s still a team effort right? So even if one partner ‘wears the pants’ in that dynamic, it’s still a consensual agreement because that’s what works best for them, hence team effort, surely.

When we’re asked this question, we joke that he’s got one leg, I’ve got the other and we’re doing a three legged walk!

All my love,

Violet xx