So recently, I needed to get emergency contraception. Also known as the morning-after pill, also known as Plan B.

Me and my boyfriend were in the throes of getting down and dirty together, having a good time, when all of a sudden, my boyfriend stops.

“Shit…the condom’s come off.”

We stopped right away and dealt with the condom that had gone AWOL inside me. There was only one thought in both of our minds: Plan B. Stat.

I know what you might be thinking: no big deal, right? You’re on birth control? Actually, no, I’m not, and I haven’t been for around five and a half years. Being one of the folks whom hormonal birth control doesn’t work well with, me and my boyfriend agreed to stick to using condoms.

Thankfully, the condoms coming off mid-sex hasn’t happened often. In all the years we’ve used barrier methods, they’ve come off maybe once or twice if memory serves. Also, a local pharmacy isn’t too far from me. So I can go in and ask, answer a few questions, and pop that much-needed pill all within a short walk. However, that did nothing to quell my concerns in the back of my mind.

What if it doesn’t work?

What if it makes me feel ill like some can?

There have been studies on a person’s weight and the efficacy of morning-after pills. Will I be that exception who still gets pregnant?

Morning-after pills are more effective the sooner you take them after the event. So I got to the pharmacy early the next afternoon, and asked the young gentleman behind the desk, “Do you stock morning-after pills?” in a hushed voice. I admit, I was a little surprised at myself. Yes, I’m not going to shout it from the rooftops in a pharmacy of people, but I was surprised at how hush-hush I was acting about it. Like it was some dirty little secret that might elicit shaking heads or pointed looks from the strangers around me. I know there’s no shame in asking for what you need, but I admit, it still elicits a rabbit-in-the-headlights feeling. It’s as if I have a megaphone shouting, “Hey! I had sex last night! But don’t worry, we were being safe! Don’t judge me!”

When I was in my teens and early twenties, I did hear some judgement from others about people who needed a Plan B. Very rarely, but it was still there. Slut-shaming, holier-than-thou, you can imagine. The “Well if they were a good girl and not easy, they wouldn’t need one, would they?” snark. I don’t feel embarrassed about the fact that yes, sometimes things go wrong with protection. That’s just a fact of life. But I realised I may have internalised that fear of judgement, shown in me going all shy. Despite the fact I literally write about sex for a living.

He went to get the head pharmacist, who greeted me and we talked. It was all very discreet and respectful, which it usually is. It’s a personal matter, after all. I answered the usual questions i.e. when was the last time you had sex, etc. Yes, I think we can all admit it’s a bit of a red-faced moment telling a pharmacist at what time you were getting railed the previous night, but I have to remind myself that they’ve heard and seen everything. It’s not going to bother them. Then we went through the side effects and advice i.e. if I’m sick/have diarrhea then I need to come back and have another pill, I might experience this/that etc. and paid for my pill. It was a relief to take it because obviously, it’s a back up of a back up to make sure I don’t get pregnant when I don’t wish to.

However, despite taking the pill and everything being fine, I was still a little nervous and hoping my period would come just fine when my next cycle was due. Being prone to periods of irregularity, and the fact that no form of contraception, including emergency, isn’t always 100% effective. So when my period came, I was relieved.

I think the whole experience, while it’s not deep and philosophical in and of itself, definitely made me remember: Oh wait, there is literally nothing to be embarrassed about.

• Image – pixabay