CW: A lot of outpouring of emotion here when I wrote this, in reaction the latest anti-LGBTQ sentiment from the Catholic Church. This post contains mentions of abuse across the field, suicide, biphobia and other anti-LGBTQ behaviours, from my POV as a bisexual woman who practices her faith. Written like a spoken word piece. Reader discretion is advised.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of stressing out as to why people are so shitty. To innocent people who have done nothing wrong. Who despite seeing historical, scientific and ethical evidence that slam dunks their prejudice, they still refuse to believe it.

I’m tired of the patronising and gaslighting. I’m tired of seeing the so-called unconditional love that comes with terms and conditions longer than an iTunes terms of service agreement.

I’m tired of being told that ‘God loves you, but you don’t have the right to the same civil liberties as me.’ citing an out of context verse or some argument that my very existence restricts their ‘religious freedom’. Religious freedom is the right to practice, not use it to discriminate, hide behind it and have the nerve to call it freedom.

I’m tired of being told that to be progressive, to look after people and try not to judge, just as you and I are commanded, that that’s not what the teachings really are and that we’ll burn in Hell.

I’m tired of seeing scripture taken out of context time and time again to justify atrocities that go against the very foundation of the faith they claim to be a part of.

I’m tired of being told that ‘all I have to do is change’. That the very God who made me as I am will ‘change me’ away from my apparent sin. My sin of simply being. That if I just accept that I am a filthy, misguided pervert and hate how the very God I love as well made me, that I might just get into their version of Heaven.

I’m tired from seeing so many people, young people, carted off to ‘therapies’, where they’re told who they love is a disease and yet the torture, the beatings, the psychological warfare and electric shocks they’re subjected to is called love.

I’m tired of seeing two people in love vilified by those who have covered up the numerous children robbed of innocence by their fellow people of the cloth.

I’m tired of people who claim to love thy neighbour toss their gay son out on the street with nowhere to go. The family who say ‘God is love’ yet drove their transgender daughter to suicide, yet still sleep like kittens thinking they’re good people.

I’m tired of my love being called a ‘lifestyle’, a ‘choice’ when my love is just that: Love.

I’m tired of feeling like I don’t belong, be it queer spaces or churches, as to some in both I am an abomination.

I’m tired of being told from individuals on both sides of the coin that if I ‘just change’, like it’s the very ‘choice’ they claim my very existence to be, that I might just become an acceptable human being.

I’m tired.