I’m tired

CW: A lot of outpouring of emotion here when I wrote this, in reaction the latest anti-LGBTQ sentiment from the Catholic Church. This post contains mentions of abuse across the field, suicide, biphobia and other anti-LGBTQ behaviours, from my POV as a bisexual woman who practices her faith. Written like a spoken word piece. Reader discretion is advised.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of stressing out as to why people are so shitty. To innocent people who have done nothing wrong. Who despite seeing historical, scientific and ethical evidence that slam dunks their prejudice, they still refuse to believe it.

I’m tired of the patronising and gaslighting. I’m tired of seeing the so-called unconditional love that comes with terms and conditions longer than an iTunes terms of service agreement.

I’m tired of being told that ‘God loves you, but you don’t have the right to the same civil liberties as me.’ citing an out of context verse or some argument that my very existence restricts their ‘religious freedom’. Religious freedom is the right to practice, not use it to discriminate, hide behind it and have the nerve to call it freedom.

I’m tired of being told that to be progressive, to look after people and try not to judge, just as you and I are commanded, that that’s not what the teachings really are and that we’ll burn in Hell.

I’m tired of seeing scripture taken out of context time and time again to justify atrocities that go against the very foundation of the faith they claim to be a part of.

I’m tired of being told that ‘all I have to do is change’. That the very God who made me as I am will ‘change me’ away from my apparent sin. My sin of simply being. That if I just accept that I am a filthy, misguided pervert and hate how the very God I love as well made me, that I might just get into their version of Heaven.

I’m tired from seeing so many people, young people, carted off to ‘therapies’, where they’re told who they love is a disease and yet the torture, the beatings, the psychological warfare and electric shocks they’re subjected to is called love.

I’m tired of seeing two people in love vilified by those who have covered up the numerous children robbed of innocence by their fellow people of the cloth.

I’m tired of people who claim to love thy neighbour toss their gay son out on the street with nowhere to go. The family who say ‘God is love’ yet drove their transgender daughter to suicide, yet still sleep like kittens thinking they’re good people.

I’m tired of my love being called a ‘lifestyle’, a ‘choice’ when my love is just that: Love.

I’m tired of feeling like I don’t belong, be it queer spaces or churches, as to some in both I am an abomination.

I’m tired of being told from individuals on both sides of the coin that if I ‘just change’, like it’s the very ‘choice’ they claim my very existence to be, that I might just become an acceptable human being.

I’m tired.

4 thoughts on “I’m tired

  1. David Mei

    I feel your pain. We love whom we love. I once heard in a story or a movie a mother talking to her son after someone had told him he was crap;”Son, you are not crap. God made you and God doesn’t make crap, people do. Hold your head high and know you are made in God’s image. Remember you are God’s child, and perfect in his eyes.” Remember She made you in Her image and you are perfect.
    Hugs and live in all your love. With all your loves.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. thebarefootsub

    This sums up my feelings toward the church. While I’m not religious, I am spiritual and kind, like the greatest woman I know/knew. My gran, a life long Christian who gave so much to the church was abandoned by them in a her final housebound years.

    Those that failed her walk around with their heads held high, looking down their noses at the homeless, the -holics and the LGBTQ folks. They seem to have forgotten that if what they believe is true, everyone will be judged at the pearly gates, and those found wanting will be turned away. But what will cause them to be rejected? I think a lack of kindness and human decency will be the reason. Being judgemental, not understanding that love is love, that how we treat one another is fundamental to our place in nirvana. We may not be perfect, according to an out-dated, misogynistic story book, but as long as we are excellent to each other, what does that matter?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so sorry that happened to your Gran, lovely. That’s awful and completely reprehensible and she didn’t deserve that at all. I 100% agree with you. We can debate and argue as much as we like, but we need to remember love, caring for others and community is at the heart of faith and humanity, whether we’re Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Norse Pagan or atheists etc.


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