Last summer, I remember suddenly having this urge for my boyfriend to just have his way with me. The imagery played so vividly in my mind of me being on my back, arms above my head and him completely taking me. It was all about him and that excited me. A lot.
This came as a surprise for me, because yes, I’d had those ‘TAKE ME NOW!‘ feelings, but not in the context I was feeling now. I was in the beginnings of researching kink and BDSM in the bedroom, and I wanted to experiment more.
Having this fantasy however, didn’t come without its doubts. Generally, I was the more submissive partner in the bedroom, but I’d never just lay there and said ‘Just fuck me however you want. Use me as you wish.’
What would it be like? Would my boyfriend enjoy it or would he feel like I was just being lazy in bed?
Also at that time, as I’ve mentioned previously on this blog, I was still recovering from the scars of experiencing emotional abuse in a previous relationship. When stating a sexual boundary is met with humiliation and gaslighting, completely giving up control, no matter how badly you want to, can still feel pretty scary. So this was a mental obstacle I needed to overcome.
Then came one particular night. It was a one of those “middle of the night sex” moments, where you both stir, then next thing you know a cosy snuggle and kiss quickly turns in to very passionate sex. And I did just that. In that moment, I became completely sexually submissive to him. It just happened.
I wanted him to be completely the dominant partner and take what pleasure he wanted from me. Not only do I know and trust him enough to do that, just getting lost in the heat of the moment with each other is just such sexy fun. Hearing the sounds he made on top of me as he fucked me senseless while I completely gave up control, gave me so much pleasure it just felt intoxicating.
Afterwards, he propped himself up looking down at me.
‘Wow.’ he said, ‘That was hot!’
I agreed. It was like a switch flipped. It was the catalyst for me tapping much deeper into the sexually submissive side I’d been desperate to experience, along with looking at experimenting with kinkier sex in the bedroom.
Gradually, I began doing this more when I’d get in those “moods”. Those moods where I wanted nothing more than for him to take his pleasure, in whatever way or position etc.
In another post about my dominant side, I mentioned he sometimes has those moods of, “I want you to do whatever you want to me.” (within reason and limits, of course) which for switchy little me, is seriously hot.
When this mood comes on, it’s so powerful and the pleasure it gives us both is just insane. As he put it once in the heat of the moment, “I love it when you just take it!”
It takes my mind in to this other worldly space. I get this kind of feeling when I’m the more dominant partner, but it’s different. For me, being the dominant party feels like a naughty, blood red adrenaline rush. Whereas being submissive feels like floating in a pastel serenity.
Either way, I bloody love it!
All my love,
*Picture – Pinterest