I remember last summer suddenly having this urge for my boyfriend to just have his way with me, completely and utterly. The imagery played so vividly in my mind of me being on my back, arms above my head and him completely taking me. It was all about him and that gave me pleasure.
This came as a surprise for me, because this wasn’t something I really did at the time. What would it be like? Would he enjoy that or would he feel like I was just being lazy in bed? Also at that time, as I’ve mentioned previously on this blog, I was still recovering from the scars of experiencing emotional abuse in a previous relationship. When stating a sexual boundary is met with humiliation and gaslighting, completely giving up control, no matter how badly you want to, can still feel very scary.
Then came a particular night. It was a one of those “middle of the night sex” moments, where you both stir, then next thing you know a cosy snuggle and smooch quickly turns in to very passionate sex (yeah…we tend to have a few of those moments!) And I did just that. In that moment, I became completely sexually submissive to him. It just happened.
I wanted him to be completely the dominant partner and take what pleasure he wanted from me, because not only did I know and trust him enough to do that, it also brought me a pleasure that was completely overwhelming. Pleasing him like that pleased me in a way that was intoxicating to me.
Afterwards, he told me how hot he thought me being submissive was and I agreed about him being the dominant partner. This was the case usually in our sex life, but this experience was completely amplified. It was like a switch flipped. It was the catalyst for tapping much deeper in to my sexually submissive side I’d been desperate to tap in to, which led to us then begin exploring the kinkier side of that power dynamic.
Gradually, I began doing this more when I’d get in those “moods”. Those moods where I wanted nothing more than for him to take his pleasure, in whatever way or position etc. In another post about my more dominant side, I mentioned he sometimes has those moods of, “I want you to do whatever you want to me.” (within reason and limits, of course) which for switchy little me, is hot as hell! This is my version of that.
When this mood comes on, it’s so powerful and the pleasure it gives us both is just insane. As he put it once in the heat of the moment, “I love it when you just take it!” It takes my mind in to this other worldly space where I feel like I’m floating on clouds. I get this kind of feeling when I’m the more dominant partner, but it’s different. For me, being the dominant partner feels like a naughty, blood red adrenaline rush. Whereas being sexually submissive feels like floating in a pastel serenity.
Either way, I bloody love it!
All my love,
*Picture – Pinterest