One of the things I was proud of despite whatever else was going on around me was confidence when it came to sex.
Whether I was happy with my body or a little insecure, I could guarantee I felt like a little vixen when it came to time in the bedroom. Naked or not, noisy or not, lights on or off, I’d go with it and have a blast.
Then something changed. Out of nowhere insecurities began to creep in. Did I sound…”weird” in the heat of the moment rather than sexy? Was I still considered attractive in my partner’s eyes? Was I “sexy”?
That’s what anxiety does to you. After a tough couple of months for various reasons (that’s a post for another day) the anxiety eventually began to seep in to my sexual self. It began a few months ago and only now is it starting to go away now I’m facing it head on. I’m not the first woman to think those thoughts and I’ll not be the last. We’ve all had it at some point. But I wanted to nip it in the bud as soon as possible before it seriously became a problem.
It had got the point where the second sex began, immediately my mind was leaping to “will I orgasm or not?” “will I sound ok?” “what if I don’t orgasm?” to where I couldn’t orgasm. I was thinking too much and I couldn’t switch my brain off.
I couldn’t understand it. What the hell was happening? Where had my self-assurance gone?
I needed to talk to my partner about this because let’s face it, it takes two to tango when all said and done and if there’s something up, it needs to be talked about. Just to clarify, it’s not anything he’s doing that caused me to clam up a little. Quite the opposite, he’s fantastic, attentive and I couldn’t ask for a better partner, both in and out of the bedroom.
So anyway, I talked to him about my insecurities. He reassured me that I was absolutely fine and that in regards to any noise I, “make all the right noises” to him (his words, not mine). And he reassured me that yes, he does find me attractive (usually, his way of doing this is by grabbing either my boobs or my ass and going, “Oh my GOD!!” Well…that’s one way to find out, I guess! xD)
It’s going ok so far, just being able to properly let go again and just being in the moment. I’m not completely there yet but it’s getting there. And the orgasms are a-coming (every bit of the pun intended there!) back more easily! A bit more time and I’ll be back to my ol’ ‘bedroom self-assured’ self again!
All my love,
*Picture – Pinterest