Disclaimer: Anyone who is new to these posts, I am not a BDSM expert/educator. I am speaking from my own (incredibly limited) thoughts and experience as someone new to researching/exploring this lifestyle

I love pet names. They’re sweet and endearing. One thing I always knew was if I ever was to look at/engage in D/s, pet names would definitely be a thing. Without for me would be like a house without a bedroom.

Anything like honey, sweetie, lovely, darling, etc. can trigger a more submissive headspace along with others such as kitten, baby girl, good girl etc.

To be honest, I’ve been having some inner conflict around this. I love the gentler side as I’ve mentioned many many times in these posts, yet there’s that part of me that craves the firmness we know to associate well with Dominance.

I read a post today written by the lovely bluebird, centring around masochism and her own preferences between her and her Sir. Many of the points she mentioned resonated very strongly with me. The concept of a pleasant feeling surrounding something usually seen as derogatory is something I struggle with at times. And in some ways, I feel I buried my head in the sand with this realisation.

Given my stances on the topic of masochism in previous posts, this may come across a little contradictory, but hear me out.

Hypothetically speaking, certain types of names I don’t mind if used in a playful manner during a scene. But only a playful manner. So it’s still dominating, but doesn’t make me feel “less than” and risk putting me in to the negative headspace I associate with humiliation/degradation.

It’s a very personal reason that just hits too close to home for me to dive in to the deep end. Given my past experience of being on the receiving end of an emotionally abusive relationship, that’s not a headspace I ever wish to risk returning to. I’ve always preferred the “gentle Dom”, these experiences I supposed heightened that preference even more.

I suppose how I see my preference with this, is because I consent to it and it’s only playful, I don’t regard it is feeling “less than”.

But mostly, I’ll just stick to sweetie and baby girl etc. right now xD

And breathe…

All my love,

Violet xx