I didn’t expect to have, “get tied up by a man I’d just met at a conference” on my 2023 bingo card, but that’s exactly what I did. Let me explain.

NEW EXPERIENCES: ROPE & THE HUMAN BARBIE DOLL

Yep, that’s right. Recently at Eroticon 2023, I got tied up with rope for the first time. After years of writing erotica containing various bondages, including rope, I actually went and did it. Amongst the myriad of talks and workshops, there were rope demos run by Opalfruit, whom I met and got to know over the conference. I was determined to try new experiences at Eroticon. So when I saw rope bondage, I couldn’t pass up the chance to finally try it.

Just to note, I also made a massive step and tried a vac tower for the first time. I wanted to try the Vac equipment at the last Eroticon in 2019, but ultimately chickened out. Truth be told, I was terrified of getting sucked into something but too fascinated by it not to want to try it. It was both fascinating and frightening to me. Despite my anxieties, getting suctioned into a rectangular cube of latex with my head poking out, like a human Barbie doll, was actually rather enjoyable! The sensation felt so strange and very intense when there was no more air to be vacuumed out. Once the vacuum was off, it felt strangely comfortable and took some pressure off my lower back. I could have gone for a nap after a while! A massive thank you to the lovely Mactire who runs the vac demos at Eroticon. He took such good care of me and soothed any anxious feelings with his wicked sense of humour!

I was buzzing after facing a fear and trying something new. Trust me to jump straight into a vac demo. It’s an extreme form of bondage (talk about going from 0 to 100, Violet.) so I don’t endorse diving in head first in everyday situations. I was with someone very experienced and knew exactly what they were doing. So please keep that in mind and play responsibly.

After I got out of the cube, I was determined to tick another new experience off my list: Rope.

THE ROOKIE MISTAKE: DON’T NEGLECT SELF-AFTERCARE

So when it came to the rope demo, me and a friend were shown some basics of using rope and the feeling against the skin. We were meant to take turns, and I took my turn doing the tying. I would carefully guide the rope around where this friend asked i.e. over the left shoulder, around the waist, etc., and then remove it by gently sliding the rope over the skin. Trust me, it’s a lot harder than it looks. Opalfruit makes it look so effortless!

I thought perhaps I would need time to cool down and decompress after getting vacuum-packed into a latex box. About half an hour later, I felt fine. It was just trying something, not a scene, so I’d be fine, surely! Well, as it turned out, I didn’t give myself enough time. I felt fine, cathartic, so I must be fine, right? Wrong.

Then came my turn. This was it. But since trying the vac cube, a residual claustrophobic feeling had been brewing in me that didn’t feel overwhelming, so I brushed it off until it was my turn to be tied up.

I stared down at the rope, wide-eyed, with a sharp anxiety in my chest and swirling in my belly. I started to feel on edge like I wanted to run out of the room. I was confused. I wanted to be tied. I was excited to be tied. So why was I panicking? In that moment I wanted to feel nothing but spaciousness, not constriction, no matter how soft. My chest tightened, and the longer I fixated on the rope in those few seconds the more suffocated I felt. At that moment, you’d have sooner seen me clawed to the ceiling than be tied.

I made the rookie mistake of thinking ten minutes of chill-out time post-vacuum for personal aftercare was enough, and I didn’t even factor in delayed reactions. Very big rookie mistake. I explained the claustrophobic feeling and said I needed to sit down for a moment to clear my head. Of course, that wasn’t a problem. I sat and watched other people being tied by the rigger in elaborate shibari patterns, and chatted with a very friendly lady until I felt back to normal.

FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING

Once I felt like my regular self again, I decided I wanted to try again. So despite my awkwardness and nerves, I approached Opalfruit and asked if he’d be comfortable tying me up. If I was going to be tied, it made sense to ask the rigger himself, who kindly agreed.

There were mats on the ground, which Opalfruit was already kneeling on and he asked me to opposite him. I did and we spoke about my experience level, what I wanted to do, and taking things very slowly. Especially given my little nervous bout, it was calming to know I was in experienced hands. He took me through a basic tie around my wrists and gently started to move the rope over my skin.

I’d heard and read from various bloggers, documentaries, and erotica that rope bondage can especially feel very intimate and relaxing. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I was quite surprised by just how vulnerable I felt, both physically and emotionally. It’s not just a fun thing you can do with a partner, platonic or romantic. You are putting your complete, 100% trust in someone to look after you while you are completely vulnerable. As Opalfruit explained what ties would and wouldn’t work with the jute rope now wrapped around my wrists, not too tight or too loose, showing me how someone can be moved just on this one tie alone, it really started to sink in just how much you need to trust someone. Just how much control I was willingly giving over to someone. And of course, I trusted him with that.

They then explained another basic tie, with my consent to have it used on me. My tied wrists were then placed by my ear as if making the “going to sleep” gesture, and the rope then gently wrapped around my arms and waist. To do this, he had to shift in closer, like a hug, to wrap the rope properly around a person. He showed me how it could be tied tighter, which felt nice, but I preferred it softer, so we stuck with that. As I’m tied, we talk about how it feels, different ties, and how you don’t have to do elaborate Shibari ties to restrain a partner effectively.

A LIGHTBULB MOMENT

And as I knelt there, tied in this position and processing how it felt, I started to feel really, really relaxed. It was so different from the other types of relaxation I felt, from meditation or some me time with a sheet mask and a Netflix documentary. The tie itself felt like a gentle, snug hug. My body felt supported by the rope (along with the fact that I loved the rope’s deep red colour) and I felt myself slipping into a deeply relaxed, submissive headspace.

To my surprise, I felt very, very safe. Yes, I knew I was safe (and Opalfruit did a magnificent job looking after me for my first time!) but this was an almost meditative sense of relaxation. A little “spaced out”, in a manner of speaking. I felt that the rope gave me a sense of safety, and as someone who has received treatment for PTSD and has to take medicine for anxiety and depression anyway, it was almost like a revelation. Yes, I know that sounds dramatic, but it was very eye-opening as to just how relaxing it can feel, almost like after a weekend at the spa. I genuinely can’t remember the last time I felt that relaxed, and I could have easily gone down for a nap in that tie and felt 100% safe. While I was only in that tie for a few minutes, if that, it felt like a lot longer. Consider my mind well and truly blown.

After a little while, I told Opalfruit I was ready to come out of the rope. And in his effortless way of removing it, the rope slid across my skin and I was free. I thanked him, we chatted and I sat back down. Inside, I was blown away by the deep feelings a simple rope tie stirred in me. I went in thinking it would be just a fun thing to try and came out feeling like a whole new side of me had just been unlocked. Yes, I’ve always been into bondage, but I never thought I would feel anything other than just something hot to do in the bedroom.

The relaxed, deeply submissive feeling I had while tied up was not a sexual one, though I recognized I could definitely feel sexually submissive in rope in the privacy of my own home with my boyfriend. Especially for various fantasies I want to explore. This however was more a deep sense of platonic trust, the kind of trust that takes a long time to build in everyday circumstances with a friend. Rope bondage is, whether platonic, romantic, and/or sexual, a deeply intimate thing, I realised. Regarding my thoughts and effects on my mental state, a few minutes of rope bondage elicited feelings that took years of medication and therapy for me to achieve. I told Opalfruit this later that evening at one of the Eroticon socials, almost in a post-bondage “debriefing”. That being said, BDSM is NOT a substitute for professional help, so please don’t leave this post thinking it is. I really don’t want that to become a kinky version of, “Have you tried yoga?” for mental health.

I also came to the conclusion that I’m probably more suited as a rope bottom than a rope top, despite loving being a top when a partner is restrained (I’m a switch, for those who don’t know). I’m interested in trying to be the top, but being the rope bottom definitely clicked in me. And it’s something I absolutely want to do again and explore.

Once again, extending a big thank you to Opalfruit for guiding me through my first rope bondage experience!

*Image – Pixabay.