“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”

~ Oscar Wilde

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that we are obsessed with sex. I love sex. If I’m not doing it, chances are I’m thinking about sex or sex-related things. Being an sex blogger and writing erotica, it comes (no pun intended) with the territory.

Writing quite regularly about sex or relationships involving some kind of power exchange, I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t some grain of truth in the saying here that sex is about power. Sex can be about power, and it can be incredibly fun playing with power in sex. But for me, at its core, sex is not about power. It’s about people sharing the most vulnerable parts of themselves with each other, in the form of physical love or just sheer desire and nothing else. Either way, there has to be a certain amount of trust and willingness to be vulnerable there. Or at least for me, anyway.

SEX & LOVE 

As I grew into a young woman and started learning more about sex, I had it ingrained into me by my folks that sex was an act of love between two people, enjoyed to its full potential between those in love. Or at least, that it felt a lot better with someone you’re in love with as opposed to just a hook-up. There was an element about that teaching that made sex, and still does in a way, almost sacred-like to me. Even if it’s just pure, unadulterated lust in a one-night hook-up, there’s something very personal about it to me.

Now, I’ve only had sex with people I’ve been in love with. Two, to be precise. A past boyfriend and my current boyfriend. So I can’t say what it’s like fucking someone then leaving the next morning never to see them again. But I can tell you how I feel with my guy. It’s an unexplainable feeling, being able to be completely vulnerable, stripped bare so to speak, with someone. While it might sound cliche, it rings true for me that in that intimate moment with someone, I’m not just baring my body naked, I’m baring all of me naked. So you best believe I trust you implicitly if I do that.

One the topic of casual fucks: Opportunities presented themselves when I was single and I definitely wanted to, but I knew I wasn’t cut out for casual sex. Sex and feelings, like love, or at the very least like a lot, are practically written through me. I knew with these men, I wanted to see them again and see how things progressed. Which, I suppose, defeats the entire purpose of a hook-up.

As much I wanted to just fuck, like they did, I knew I’d feel empty and disposable afterwards. I guess that’s just how I’m wired IRL as opposed to the fantasies in my head. So, I figured it best to use that insight to not waste either of our time. No detriment to the men whose company I enjoyed in those bars in my late teens and very early twenties (The nice ones, I mean. Not the ones who just straight up ask you where you live and try to use your body as a grinding post. Urgh. Creeper alert!) As nice as they were, and truth be told, I was flattered that they wanted to take me to bed with them, I wasn’t what they were looking for.

I much prefer sharing those experiences with someone I love. It heightens those feelings and makes it more special. I feel like I can be more vulnerable with my desires as well as my kinks. I can feel and love completely and freely without someone being afraid I’ll ‘catch feelings’. Sweetie, if I’m serious about shtumping you, the feelings are already there!

DID SOMEONE SAY POWER EXCHANGE?!

Speaking of sex and power, power exchange, to whatever varying degree, is my biggest kink. Dominance & submission is just, like how I respond to sex, is an integral part of me. That kink is just in my bones. Most of my other kinks circulate around the dominant/submissive dynamic. When someone else takes charge. Or when I take charge. I am a Switch, so that means I can ‘switch’ between those Domme and sub roles.

I’ve always been drawn to dominating (with consent, of course) a man in bed. There’s something so hot about it that just makes me melt. Teasing him, taking charge, seducing him, making him feel good. Especially if he’s a dominant personality in his everyday life. The contrast I find incredibly sexy. If he’s a more submissive personality, it brings out the protectiveness in my Domme side.

On the flip side, I’m drawn to a dominant man who likes to take care of you. Kinky or not, I’ve always been drawn to that. I love a protective man. It makes me go all soft and gooey inside. I find it sweet, endearing and appeals very much to my baser instincts.

When I say this of course, I mean mutual caring for each other, not saying I can’t do *insert here* because I’m a woman or pitches a fit, because you dare offer to pay for dessert after he paid for dinner, going into a long lecture about how you paying for a bit of cake and ice cream ’emasculates’ him. Yes, that actually happened to me with a passing flirtation when I was 20. It wasn’t fun.

But anyway, I digress. I’m the subby type who loves being looked after. I like the snuggles, the kisses, being called pet names like ‘kitten’ and ‘good girl’. Unnnff. It reinforces my trust in sharing my kinks, knowing that when the naughty spankings and other kinky fuckery comes, I know it’s not from a place where I feel unsafe. Again, if I’m being more Domme, making sure my boyfriend feels safe with me is paramount.

All round, vanilla, kinky or both, it comes down to this: two lovers enjoying each other.