EDIT AND CONTENT NOTE: The featured image in this blog post is not of me, but of a model in a photograph found on Pinterest and credited.
Myth-busting, my favourite! I’ve often joked that one of my mottos in life is that I’ve been busting stereotypes since ’94, the year I was brought into the world.
I grew up kicking stereotypes and myths into the ground. I was never one for ‘following the sheep’ as my mother calls it. Believe me, I tried. My sense of individuality went out the window. So I did my own thing. For example, you’ve got a whole class of people learning French, I’d be that one person learning Korean.
When it comes to clothing, I like dressing up and prefer to be overdressed than underdressed for something. I love the vintage styles and ‘Lolita’ styles from Japan, that takes its inspiration from the Victorian and Rococo periods (side note: it has nothing to do with the novel of the same name, just to put that out there).
I’d come to university in a pencil skirt, a basic top, cardigan and a string of pearls. I’ve only just started properly trying to master rolling my hair with ribbons at night, before I can get my hands on pillow rollers at some point in the future, fingers crossed.I feel very at home in that aesthetic, inspired from my late Nan.
Growing up, I played football for a girls’ team, practiced martial arts, and played with toys marketed for both boys and girls. Even as a young child, I was spirited in breaking the mold, even if it was just to spite an adult (usually from a more traditional background) or a boy telling me, “Why do you want to do that? But you’re a girl!”
Especially so, with the playing football. My parents in many ways, were rather forward thinking for the time. They just wanted me to be happy and didn’t care much (especially my father) for traditional gender roles. They used to have concerned parents coming up to them about my playing football saying: “But don’t you worry it’ll make her…a lesbian?”
They laughed and told them that one, it doesn’t work like that, and two, so what if I was a lesbian? As long as I was happy and healthy they didn’t care if I brought home a boyfriend or girlfriend when the time came.
In my formative years, there was quite a few times I was assumed to be devoutly religious because I was the well-behaved student who kept her head down with her work. I was raised in a pretty secular, but all round socially Christian household (I live in the UK). Apparently if you don’t cause a stir, you must be a devout Catholic according to some of my former classmates, which I found rather amusing!
What also came with that, as well into adulthood, is the ‘sweet and innocent’ vibe I’ve been told multiple times I apparently give off. Because of this, my university friendship groups were quite protective of me, in particular when it came to potential suitors and discussing sex around me.
I told them many a time I was perfectly fine with them discussing their sex lives around me, yet they were still unsure, as if I would burst into nun-shaped flames if I so much as heard the word ‘penetration’! xD
That or they thought I was a ‘dark horse’. That underneath that supposed ‘sweet and innocent’ image (I honestly don’t know where that came from! Even when I tried not to, apparently that vibe was still there, so I just roll with it! xD) was a kinky as fuck nymphomaniac. A few years of a relationship and writing smutty stories later, I can’t say they were wrong on that one! Or some saying, ‘I bet you’re dead kinky and like all that bondage and dominatrix stuff!’
BDSM? Me? *evil chuckle*
Now comes the myth-busting that comes with being a sex blogger. Warning: the following is laced with sarcasm and ‘tired of your bullshit’ talk from the start.
Yes, I love sex. No, that doesn’t mean I want to fuck you, or everyone I see for that matter. I know that might be difficult to comprehend, but like you, sex bloggers a pretty much regular people.
No, I don’t want to you to send me a picture of your dick/pussy/boobs, naked torso etc. Just don’t do it. We value consent here, and yet sex-positive bloggers are routinely demonised, while unsolicited nude picture-senders are not.
Yes, I like writing erotica. No, that doesn’t mean you can send me your written wet dream about me, or ask me to watch you jerk yourself off (yes, I’ve had those requests, and the answer is no).
There still comes a lot of stigma surrounding being a sex blogger, many of those associated with being sexually ‘loose’ or lacking in ‘self-respect’ (two ever evolving societal constructs) particularly if you’re a woman. How dare a woman enjoy her sexuality purely just because, and not for the service of someone else? How dare she?
It ties in with the concept of promiscuity and women that is particularly damaging. If you have a great sex life with multiple sexual partners, you’re a slut. If you write about sex, you’re a slut. You get the idea.
Being in a monogamous long-term relationship, writing about sex can garner the following reactions like, ‘But does your boyfriend know?’ ‘What would he say?’ as if I need permission from him. As if he’s my owner and not my equal partner in life.
Yes he knows (I think he’d start to wonder after a while, the growing collection of vibrators and kink gear in my drawers!) and he’s encouraging with my writing. Either way, I’d still be writing because that’s what I enjoy. Someone who expects me to give that up because of insecurity isn’t worth my time.
Especially so, if they feel threatened by you using sex toys, alone or together, because your orgasms allegedly belong to them. They can fuck right off. I’ve got more important things to do than pander to that crap. Like giving myself a luscious orgasm with a vibrator.
As well, comes the myth that if because I have a boyfriend and am a sex blogger, some see that as a challenge, that I am more susceptible to being ‘tempted to play away’ and essentially cheat with them: a random person I don’t know.
Short answer: no. Long answer: Hell no. I’ve had that where people get in touch asking for favours, knowing I’m with someone, sporting that famous line: ‘It’s ok. I won’t tell him.’ It baffles me that they never expect my reply to be: ‘No, but I will!’
*Gets off soap box and dusts self down*
Right, now we’ve got that out of the way, basically I’m a bit of non-conformist. And honestly: It’s a lot of fun!
*If you like what I do and want to support me and my blog, please consider buying me a coffee 🙂 Thank you! Xx