I’m not ashamed of my sexuality. Well, at least not anymore.

But as far as shouting from the rooftops that my sexual orientation a little more fluid than I originally would say a year ago, isn’t something I do in my everyday life. Aside from not seeing it as something I need to constantly mention (as it shouldn’t matter) it saves me from the question:

‘So…what are you?’

I’m me. That’s the short answer.

I have no issues with labels if that’s what resonates strongest to you. It’s part of human nature to give a name to something in order to try and make sense of it. As long as you’re a good person, I don’t care who you smooch (between consenting adults of course). Love is love and you should be able to live with the person you love and feel safe.

That being said, I do believe there are certain individuals that will try to pigeon hole you regardless of what you say. To add more context regarding my sexuality, let me explain:

I like men, both cis and trans. Always have, always will. But sometimes, I will like a woman, also both cis and trans. Majority of the time, I see women purely platonically and feel no attraction whatsoever. But with some women, attraction will hit like a punch in the gut and there’s no way I can say I have never been attracted to a woman before. I’ve also found myself attracted to individuals who identified under the non-binary umbrella.

I’m one of those people that used to be, “I’m straight but…” and there’s nothing wrong in that, it’s not up for me to decide what someone’s sexuality is, only you alone know that. But I’ve seen more than few times individuals who will, almost to try to catch a person out as if trying to find any fault with them by saying: “Well then you’re not really straight/gay/bi/pan etc. then.”

So, when it comes to my everyday life, that is one of the reasons as to why I’m not particularly vocal about my sexuality. I don’t mind if someone asks me if I’m bi, gay etc. etc. as long as they’re not being a jerk about it. If I’m asked, I’d just answer: “Call me whatever you like, as long it’s nothing nasty.”

I was talking about this with two good friends of mine, and I also mentioned that I just don’t really bring it up because I just can’t stand the idea of a load of eye-rolling stereotype questions being thrown my way. Stuff like:

“Oh, so you’re just greedy.”

“So you have lots of threesomes then!”

“I’d never date someone who likes more than one gender. I’d worry they’d cheat on me.”

“Don’t you worry you won’t be properly fulfilled with your partner?”

“Just make your mind up.”

“So if you’re with a girl…which one of you is the guy?”

“Ooh, can I watch?”

Also, I know this sounds silly but bear with me. I sometimes worry that being more open in my everyday life will draw criticism from some, feeling like I’m not (insert sexuality here) enough. I know this shouldn’t bother me, but I just don’t like the idea of someone berating me because they can’t shove me into a pigeon hole as smoothly as they’d like.

I just don’t want to run the risk almost. I’m lucky that I have friends and family that are supportive and love me. While unfortunately, there are those that will use faith to justify being phobic, that’s not the case with everyone.

My mother, a God-fearing Christian, is not judgemental, nor believes that anyone who isn’t strictly straight should be treated any differently to anyone else. Anyone starting quoting that one (mistranslated by the way) line from Leviticus, she’d be the first to shoot them down with her words!

Knowing that there are people that can get potentially really nasty makes me think twice about shouting it from the rooftops. I’ve witnessed homophobia, biphobia, transphobia etc. towards friends and it’s horrific. Walking down the street only for someone to shout “fucking gay bastard!” and “go get AIDS!” at my friend with the potential for it to have turned really ugly shouldn’t happen.

I know I kind of am here, but I know I’m among friends in the online community, as opposed to a stranger in the street screaming that I’m going to hell, or wanting to be voyeur to any hypothetical same-sex encounter for MAJORLY crushing on Ruby Rose in the second John Wick movie (I mean seriously though, who hasn’t had a crush on her? What a babe!). No random stranger, you cannot.

So whether I’d go as far as unmentionable, I’d say to some but not to most. But to that minority, I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life, thank you very much! Unless they’re sharing a bed with me (which I’m very happy to say not) it’s not their business anyway.

 

All my love,

Violet xx

*Picture – Pinterest