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Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while now, will know I have a bit of a penchant for spanking.

It’s something I’ve had fantasies about for a number of years, and experienced (consensually, of course!) in varying degrees with my boyfriend.When learning more about BDSM: bondage, power exchange and spanking were three of the first kinks I found I liked.

I’ve come a long way in the last 18 months in not just my thoughts, but combatting certain anxieties I’ve had regarding kinks I’m curious about. In this case: spanking.

The idea of an over the knee spanking used to make me go ‘Nope!’ in the past. Not the spanking, but the over the knee part. At the time, it reminded me too much of old school type punishments when you used to get the slipper for talking in class. The thought unsettled me.

However, as time went on and I read stories and imagined scenes of a dominant male having me over his knee, spanking me in an erotic way that may/may not involve role play discipline (perhaps I’d spoke out of turn, and the Master is disciplining his subordinate. Or playful ‘just because’ swats on the ass to remind me exactly whose I was) really got me revved up.

So, out went the slipper analogy and in came the ‘You’re all mine, my pet.’ ‘Yes Sir.’ fantasies.

My boyfriend loves playfully swatting my ass. At any available opportunity, he’ll do it. It’s a wordless form of appreciation, saying ‘hello’, ‘I like you.’, ‘your ass looks nice in those leggings.’ etc.

Going to make a cup of tea in the morning? Swat on the ass.

Walking past while I’m changing the sheets? Swat on the ass.

Waking up and too tired to speak? Swat on the ass.

You get the idea!

With us, some manner of spanking is guaranteed to happen during sex if the mood fits. Particularly if we’re having sex doggy style, he’s one of the many guys that kinky or not, loves smacking their girlfriend’s behind while they’re going at it hot and heavy.

It’s raw and primal, and I absolutely love it! It’s already a submissive position, so being spanked is like an act of saying ‘you’re mine’ to me in that moment. Especially so if any kind of anal play is involved. It’s a ‘different’ pleasant sensation that really fuels a submissive frame of mind for me.

My boyfriend enjoys me being submissive in the bedroom, but doesn’t really think about whether it makes him feel dominant or not. He doesn’t micro-analyse his sexual preferences and identity like I do mine. His philosophy is ‘We like it, so we do it. I don’t know why I like it, I just do.’

I’m looking to try a small butt plug (both vibrating and one of those small metal/silicone ones with the cute coloured gem on the end) so we can still do anal play, as full anal sex itself is a bit much for me at the moment. Plus, trying double penetration (using a butt plug while we have vaginal sex) is something I’d really like to try. Along with some spanking to see what it feels like.

However, I’m not the type who likes being spanked to the point where it leaves marks, welts or even bruises. A faded hand print is pretty sexy but that’s it. The thought of bruising, on top of experiencing an accidental too-hard spank (he’s very strong) isn’t something I particularly enjoy.

We’ve experimented a little with a paddle I bought last summer (Ann Summer’s triple heart spanker) but haven’t used it all that much. I’ve asked him if he’s up for some more experimenting with the paddle and he said he is. Woohoo!

Something which came as a surprise, is I sometimes crave spanking if I’m under stress and/or just need to feel submissive. PSA: Not as a means of self-harm, but as an enjoyable, kinky little stress reliever.

Currently, I’m in the middle of writing up uni essays and the deadlines are looming. So I’m stressed. As well as reading and doing my usual go-to chill outs, sometimes I just crave feeling submissive, like a kinky form of escapism.

I found myself fantasising about my boyfriend using the paddle or using his hand for particularly delicious spanking. I can de-stress and get sexual. Two of my favourite things. Bonus!

While I’m exploring this side of myself, I’ve found certain things I enjoy and are a part of me. My boyfriend is a pretty laid back guy in this respect. As he says in as many words ‘I just like sex. If we find something we enjoy, we find something we enjoy.’

I’m in my ‘crazily sexually adventurous’ period, where I want to try anything and everything I’m remotely curious about. So I do worry sometimes if I’m freaking him out with my newfound kinkiness.

But laid back is as laid back does, reassuring me that if there’s anything he’s uncomfortable with (like when I suggested me trying a tail butt plug. That was a resounding NO.) he’ll tell me.

 

All my love,

Violet xx

*Picture – Pinterest