On my recent scrollings in the Tweet-o-sphere, I’ve been seeing people’s thoughts and stories about the stigma surrounding using lube.

It’s sad to see so many people feel insecure about using lube for sex. It’s unfortunately a common insecurity that if you use lube, have to use it, or just to add more to the enjoyment, you must not be wet enough, you must have something wrong with you or you are ‘broken’ in some way.

It’s something that’s in romance, erotica, porn. I know when considered, I’m a guilty party in potentially perpetuating this concept by not involving lube in some of my stories. I feel it’s important to put these things into fiction at times to make it more realistic and relatable to readers. That being said, everybody and every body works and reacts different to sexual stimuli.

From my own experiences regarding lube, I can’t fault it whatsoever so far. It’s great. I love the stuff! It certainly makes things go a lot smoother in the sex department. Especially if you haven’t had sex in a while, the more lube the better!

Water-based lubes are my go-to as they seem to be safe with pretty much all things unless explicitly stated so, but if I’m buying them from a sex shop (like I did in Ann Summers over the weekend) it’s best to double check if they’re good to use with condoms and specific sex toys. You can never be too careful with these things!

Personally, I get pretty wet when getting ready for sex and just generally being aroused. That being said, even when I’ve been completely soaked after receiving some rather delicious oral sex, I’ll still need some.

Even with the stresses of everyday life that can contribute to my stress and tiredness levels, which in turn affects my energy to have sex, sometimes we all have those days where our minds are saying “yes fuck me” but our vaginas are like “not tonight honey. I have a headache.”

When I was taking birth control and not using condoms (for those who don’t know, I’m in a committed monogamous relationship and were both tested) I found a good 80% of the time having sex, I didn’t need lube at all. That was surprising.

I’ve always used it so it felt weird not reaching for the bedside table draw. I found the time I needed it most however, French letters or otherwise, was when my period had finished. Now we’ve gone back to using condoms, since hormonal birth control wasn’t for me, the bedside table drawer is now back in business.

The friction of the latex, if I’m not completely soaking to monsoon-like levels, can be a little uncomfortable. So for us, lube is a must and go-to to ease any potential discomfort. Been there, it doesn’t feel great. Lesson learned: You can never have too much lube!

Me and the Mr. basically have our little routine. He gives me the lube, he sees to the condom and we’re off to the races!

There are so many reasons why a people may not be “wet” enough therefore use lube with sex. Aside from just every body being different, there can be the effects of the menstrual cycles, menopause, side effects of medications etc. Or just the fact that lube is a brilliant thing to use!

Sexual arousal and being “wet” down below isn’t mutually exclusive. It’s important to break down the taboo surrounding this discussion and tackle the ridicule that sadly some people face through comprehensive, honest education.

It’s ok to use lube. It’s ok not to be “wet” down below when you’re really revved up and if someone is going to make you feel bad for that, show them the door.

You are what you are. And what you are is awesome.

All my love,

Violet xx