I got my first love bites at 23, by accident.

When I first started becoming more intimate with men, that would be a rule: No hickeys. Ever.

As well as for sensation, it was for practicality as well. I couldn’t be bothered to wear a scarf all day around my neck to hide someone’s mark from the night before. As well as that, my skin, especially around my neck is quite sensitive so it would fucking hurt!

I remember at 19 when ex, my first boyfriend, first started kissing my neck while we were making out in a leather booth in the back of a nightclub. I’d never been kissed there but I knew I’d like it, and it felt as good as I’d hoped it would feel.

When he started getting a little more revved up, I asked him to make sure he didn’t give me any love bites, because I didn’t do them. He was fine with that and we carried on.

That would be the same for any man from then on I’d share a few smooches (or more than a few smooches!) with, if I felt it needed bringing up.

Then last summer, me and my boyfriend were having some delicious, particularly rough sex where biting and sucking of the neck region was involved. It was a sumptuous cocktail right at the precipice of my pain/pleasure threshold, rougher than we’d ever been before in regards to biting during sex and I fucking loved it!

Afterwards, I noticed a series of slight bruising on my neck and down my shoulder. They were neither purple or blue, just like raised, broken blood vessels. Prominent enough for someone to know exactly what they were if they’d seen.

They made me giggle. It was a naughty reminder of our primal sex and yes, I did have to cover my neck with a light scarf, or I would have either got some looks or some questions! One downside, is that it stayed sore for a good few days afterwards. Not so sexy.

Another case of accidental hickeys are namely on my boobs. Like I’ve mentioned before, my boyfriend LOVES boobs and loves squeezing them, spanking them, kissing them, sucking and lightly biting on the nipples (depending on their sensitivity that day. If it’s around PMS time then anything other than completely gentle treatment is completely off limits!)

There have been times where we’ve had sex then the day after I’ll notice a small bruise. Sex bruises are one of those things that even if unintentional, can still be a turn on. I remember once telling my boyfriend of the penny size love bite on my boob, him taking a closer look and going, “Oh shit, sorry!”

I didn’t mind and thought it was really sweet that he was so concerned about it. The man doesn’t want to hurt me, of course. I was actually turned on by it a little! On further inspection, so was he!

As you can tell, it’s not something we intentionally do. It’s not something that’s a hard, hard limit but not something we’re crazy for either. It falls into the ‘Meh. If it happens it happens.’ camp.

If that’s your flavour, more power to you! That being said, when it does happen (not so much the neck, we try to avoid that because it’s just so bloody sensitive! The boobs however…) we see it as something that 1) can come with the territory and 2) a sexy little reminder of the sexy time we’ve had!

All my love,

Violet xx