I sometimes wonder if I’ve gone too far down the rabbit hole. I’m a lot kinkier than I thought and when it comes to answering close folk’s questions, it can be a little difficult for one: me to explain and two: for them to understand.

For example, I was considering at one point maybe attending a munch or something similar around where I live. Everyone around me was very apprehensive. My boyfriend definitely was against it for reasons of privacy, which I understand and respect. Everyone knows everyone round here and upon further inspection, I don’t want to be recognised, and then inadvertently throw my boyfriend in to the mix. Whoa boy no. That I wholeheartedly understand. No munches.

What admittedly got a bee in my bonnet though, was some people in my circle was the, “being in a room full of weirdos” analogy. I get it. They just want me to be safe and not come across any dubious characters as unfortunately, there have been cases of that in the community. But you get good and bad in any community. Majority of fellow bloggers I know and on other platforms online are some of the sweetest, kindest people I’ve met. When I tried explaining that, it just wasn’t understood.

“That’s different.” They said. “Normally you wouldn’t be in a room full of people who want to tie you up!”

Actually you might, you just wouldn’t know about it for the most part. If you stay online, you have more different routes of safety as opposed to in the flesh, I understand that completely. Truthfully, I’ve come across more “weirdos” so to speak, in broad daylight on the street or in a nightclub. Again, the same argument flashed up. “That’s different.”

In my eyes it isn’t. A weirdo’s a weirdo no matter where you go and what you do. Like anything, you have to be discerning and keep yourself safe. Then again, I may just be seeing the world through my wide-eyed, rose tinted young person glasses, so feel free to disagree with me and tell me different. I found it really difficult not to go completely on the defensive and truthfully I did.

I was fighting an uphill battle and I just had to come to the conclusion that not everyone will understand people in kinky communities (the one’s I’ve interacted with anyway) are just normal everyday people. I just found it surprising just how many people, not meaning this in any malice, will accept you but not others purely because it’s you. If it’s someone else, it’s not ok or it’s strange in some way.

I understand they wanted me to be safe, and I thank them for that from the bottom of my heart. I just wish it hadn’t been by painting everyone with the same brush. Truthfully, there have been many times where I have felt safer among the kinky friends I have made because of respecting boundaries etc. then if I was on a night out when someone tells me to “calm down” because I call them out for pinching my arse.

Some people I’m close to just won’t be able to get their heads around that and while I can talk until I’m blue in the face, I have to accept that. I don’t want them worrying about me. I don’t love them any less, I’ll just have to agree to disagree and maybe not be as open to them about it.

All my love,

Violet xx

*Picture – Pinterest