Seeing a guy being submissive in the bedroom just does something to me. If there’s one thing that really puts a fire in my soul, male submission in a sexual context is definitely one of them. *Inhuman noises*

I’ve never known why some think enjoying a man being submissive in the sack or in any BDSM (sexual or non sexual) scene, means that you hate men. I don’t hate men at all. I don’t believe in supremacy and/or being a misandrist. Men are awesome! Hi, guys! *waves enthusiastically* 😂.

One of the many things that makes male submission really get me going, is the fact that there’s always been this expectation in society for men to be, “men”. Tough, not expressing their emotions, big stereotypical dominant blokes and all that jazz.

Submission, in some regards, I suppose kind of throws some of those expectations on their head. Plus, being in charge is fun, I won’t lie to you! *blushes and hides shyly behind a cushion*.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the, “strong, silent type” if that’s in your nature. Truth be told, if I had to choose a “type”, those are the characteristics in guys I’m quite drawn to and I’ve had majority of my romantic encounters with. I vehemently disagree with notion of being something you’re not just to “fit in” regardless of your gender.

To me, being submissive means being vulnerable, in the way that you’re sharing your deepest, darkest desires with someone, trusting that special someone with them. It means giving over that control in a world that tells you that you shouldn’t. And that to me is hot! While I understand this applies to Dominance as well, for the purpose of the post I’m just talking about the submissive side to that.

It baffles and if I’m being completely honest, quite angers me when people mock men who are submissive/bottom or switch. Why? I remember recently reading a comment on a video of a professional Domme in a session with a man acting as sub. This woman was commenting how she thoroughly enjoyed it when her husband was submissive in the bedroom. A man replied to this comment, basically shooting it down in flames, saying because of her husband’s preferences he was not a, “real man”, at one point calling him a, “beta”.

It really baffled me. What purpose did that serve, besides channelling insecurity by displacing it in hateful comments towards someone else? So, if he was not stereotypically an “alpha” in this person’s eyes he wasn’t a “real man”? Last time I checked, we’re all pretty real! Because men have been expected throughout the decades to be top dog in all areas of society and life that’s all they can be?

Coming from a woman’s perspective, I prefer to just think, “Ok, are they a nice person or not?” rather than label men in to a Planet Earth-like inner monologue. That would feel cruel of me and in thinking so, could miss out on possibly forming some great friendships with people. If everyone was the same, that’d be terribly boring!

If you are dominant, great! I’m not trashing Dominants by any stretch. I mean I (currently and have for a while) resonate strongly with switching, so I love both Dom and sub traits in men.

I like mixtures and opposites. It really turns me on if I’m reading/listening to a story/erotic audio when the man is very dominant, no nonsense etc. anticipating to pound you in to perpetual soreness in the sack, but then the story flips on its head and he’s super gentle, be that dominant or submissive traits in vanilla or kinky contexts. Expecting one thing as a reader/listener then getting a little twist like that is definitely exciting!

Not that I’d hate it if he was rough or Dom-ly in the sheets; I love me some dirty talking primal sex just as much as the next person! But if they do the aforementioned too besides cookie cutter “Dom”? Bonus for my dirty little literary mind! 😂 It’s a nice, sexy contrast and for me, makes the character more three dimensional.

People by nature are multifaceted. That’s not something you can strictly pigeon hole and that’s part of what draws me so much to many different things in life, certain parts of BDSM and D/s being a few of them.

Even in the beginnings of me recognising some of my kinks, a man that could switch between both dominant and submissive characteristics in whichever facets of their life, especially in the bedroom, got me ridiculously fired up.

I used to have vivid fantasies of riding a man, teasing him and edging until he couldn’t take anymore and just let go. Sometimes there was bondage. Sometimes I’d imagine myself in some latex corset or other sexy lingerie, sometimes with an implement in hand like a crop in one glamourous setting or another. Other times it was just straight up vanilla sex. Either way, that power exchange was there and it was that power exchange that got me off and still does.

It fires up a fierce protectiveness in me, a need to care that’s different to when I’m in my more submissive moods. Knowing what that person wants in means of their submissive needs and being able to give that to them in the best way I know how. It’s letting that darker dominant side of me loose that I don’t necessarily show in my everyday life (I mean, I don’t order every man I see to their knees. That would be a little odd! xD)Pleasing them pleases me, but from the top rather than the bottom role. It gives me a rush that’s just so exhilarating.

So from a switchy lady who loves being Top every so often, whether you like handing over control on occasion in a vanilla relationship or you’re a 24/7 submissive to a Domme, either way you guys are awesome 🙂

 

All my love,

Violet xx

 

*Picture – Pinterest

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