This is a continuation from something I saw the lovely kitten from Sir and Kittens Pleasure Place say about vanilla shaming recently. I too have seen certain kink circles on FetLife etc. using the term “vanilla” as derogatory and as an insult.

For those who don’t know, “vanilla” is a word to describe a non-kinky person. Your everyday sex and relationship with not a flogger or fetish hood in sight. Aka, many peoples’ relationships. What’s so bad about that?

Nothing is the answer. Absolutely nothing. You want to make love to your man without tying him to the bed? (consensually, of course!) Then that’s fine. You don’t want to spank your girlfriend because it makes you uncomfortable? That’s all good. The thought of anything in the BDSM world makes you panic rather than turned on? Repeat after me: That’s absolutely fine.

If we’re being candid here, majority of the sex I have is vanilla. I love vanilla! I’ve always loved Cornish vanilla ice cream and even though I love all different flavours, I’ll come running back to my Cornish vanilla. It’s an oldie but goodie.

So, no matter how much of a, “kinky minx” I become (as Kinky Bestie calls it) sooner or later, like the Cornish ice cream, I’ll coming springing back to vanilla because it’s so damn good!

*Sigh* I never thought I’d be comparing my sex life to ice cream, yet here I am!

Do I want to be more kinky? Yes I do and I’m exploring that. Does that mean I want to expel being vanilla from my life altogether? Nope.

Kinky people in certain circles of society can face tremendous backlash and face shaming due to difference of opinions, misconceptions about the lifestyle and stereotyping. Many of us know what is feels like to be shamed for a kink we enjoy, be it spanking, rope suspension, hardcore domination etc. the list is endless…and it sucks.

It sure feels garbage if someone you trusted with such sensitive information about you calls you a, “weirdo” or “freak”, because you like being face fucked of an evening by your sexy-ass man whilst being cuffed to the bed.

So why would you want to make someone feel the same, just because they don’t share your kink or, “aren’t kinky enough” (that one really infuriates me) for your own preferences?

Fighting fire with fire isn’t going to make the fire go out. It’s just going to cause a bigger fire. Then it’ll just get bigger and bigger the more fighting goes on and before we know it, the fire’s out of control, leaving a trail of destruction behind it.

Everyone has their own preferences when it comes to be intimate with their partner(s) and no one, whether you are kinky or not, has the right to shame you for something you just aren’t in to. Safe, sane and consensual isn’t just a kink thing, it’s a common sense thing as well.

You want to do 24/7 D/s? Hooray for you. You like just straight up vanilla? Hooray for you too. You like a little mixture? You do you.

Vanilla isn’t an insult and it’s not a dirty word. Respect each other’s differences and don’t be a jerk if their tastes aren’t compatible with yours.

Stay sexy, folks!

All my love,

Violet xx

*Picture – Pinterest