Being able to let go of control is something many of us struggle with. We have that perception that if we’re not in some form of control in a situation, something’s wrong.

It’s an understandable way of thinking. Giving up control and just going with the flow in life can feel absolutely terrifying!

As you’ll have all figured out by now, I’m a girl who thinks way too much for her own good. I’ll dissect, I’ll analyse, I’ll look deep in to the philosophical. I have a vivid imagination so it goes hand in hand. Since being a kid that’s just been my nature and honestly, I wouldn’t change that for the world. Without that, I wouldn’t be me and pursue the interests I do. That being said, I’m sure many of you can empathise that having analytical nature can be both a blessing and a curse.

In my day to day life, I will take charge of situations that is my job to do. I deal with the stack of admin any other freelancer does. I have to step to the role of being my own boss, otherwise how else is the work going to get done?

Many of the bloggers I know who are submissive have frequently written about how giving up control gives them a feeling of freedom. When I first looked in to female submission I found the concept of freedom through submission difficult to grasp.

If someone else is in control then how are you free? I would think, as a sheltered 18-year-old only just learning what the letters in BDSM were.

At that time, I knew my kink dominant side was alive and well, with the occasional submissive fantasies thrown in. Great in the imagination, but I didn’t think me being sub would work for me in practice (I’m very stubborn and outspoken 😂)

With my experiences with anxiety, it took me a long time to realise in my own mind I needed to “let go”. A way to describe it was wilfully submitting to accept what I cannot change and having the courage to change what I can as the old saying goes.

Tapping in to submission in a sexual sphere actually helped me with, “letting go” in other aspects of my life, like many other bloggers have talked about. Once this started to happen, I could finally empathise with those feelings. It gave me a feeling of peace that leaves me on a high I’ve not experienced before.

As I began to be more sexually submissive in the boudoir I had that lightbulb moment: Well, I can let go here. Why can’t I do it with the other parts of my life? So I made that choice to work at that.

That’s not to say being submissive in the sack is a miracle cure and that I encourage you do it. This is just my own experiences that I’m sharing with you. It was something I wanted and needed to do for myself. Also, this doesn’t meant to say it was easy transitioning to that frame of mind either, because it wasn’t. It was so difficult at first I nearly gave up.

You can feel the fear of unknown and the anxious need to “take back control” gnawing away at you like a withdrawal, but I persisted and so far it’s paid off. I still have my “off” moments of course and I’ll continue to. There’s no, “cure”, you just learn to deal with it better and more healthily.

Once I could let my submissive side out to play, the ability to let go in general life just sort of “clicked” so to speak. There’s only so much you can do…you can only do your best…you can only deal with the here and now…etc. All that I’d been brought up with and when I was getting my help for anxiety just fell in to place.

I could only have done this with my boyfriend’s support. We trust and love each other very much and I wouldn’t have considered experimenting with what I have with someone I don’t deeply trust. We communicate better, we’ve grown closer and our already strong bond we have has strengthened.

Put it this way, if someone had told me two years ago, that experimenting with being sexually submissive would be the catalyst for putting to bed some of my biggest complexes, I honestly would have laughed in their face and told them they were crazy.

Well, here I am before you lovely people, quite happily eating my words!

All my love,

Violet xx

*Picture – Pinterest