Disclaimer: Possible incoherent rambles ahead!

I hate punishment. I know what you’re going to say, “Don’t we all?” but I really, really detest the idea of punishment.

I know that bringing up past trauma in negotiations is really important if not absolutely paramount. For me, an absolute no-no for this very reason is punishment through impact play.

I enjoy erotic spankings, I like the idea of certain kinds of impact play though I don’t consider myself a masochist. I don’t get off on pain for pain’s sake is what I’m trying to say. It’s more the shockwave, coupled with the exchange of power, being top or bottom, that does it for me.

But impact play as a punishment? No. Absolutely not. Though I know punishments are completely consensual and negotiated, on the bottom side, the thought is enough to make me shout “Red!” and run for the hills. On the top side, again it would make me feel very uneasy. I do have that disciplinarian side in regards to impact play, but only in erotic sense, almost like role-play if that makes any sense.

I’m only speaking for myself here and not judging anyone of their dynamic. I know many people who love a good spanking if they’ve screwed up somewhere down the line and if that’s what works for you and your Top/Dom/other play partners etc. then more power to you! 😊 I fully understand that in many D/s dynamics I know, negotiated and implemented punishments in said dynamics comes from a place of love, trust and guidance to grow.

The truth is, punishment like that scares me both in the T/b, D/s roles. The idea of someone taking a paddle to my ass because I’ve “been bad” makes my blood run cold. It reminds me (again, this is personally and not speaking about the community here) too much of abuse and brings back some unpleasant memories.

I wasn’t physically abused in my last relationship, it was emotional in a sexual context. Having said that, I know now had I stayed, it would have escalated to physical. All abuse is just as bad as the other.

Though I’ve bounced back and don’t walk on eggshells anymore, naturally some effects still remain. I’m calm and mindful about what kink related activities could be potentially emotionally distressing to me, and in keeping with best practices, not partaking in them.

For my sub side, using impact play as a punishment is one such hard limit, along with verbal humiliation for obvious reasons.

Same as my boyfriend, who is definitely more D than s-type. Along with knowing it’s one of my hard limits, the idea of “punishment” in general would make him feel like he was ill-treating me, which he definitely doesn’t want to do. Thankfully, we’re on the same page there.

We can do the “play punishment” or the “funishment” thing i.e. the playful “Have you been a bad girl?” “Yes, Sir, I’ve been such a bad girl!!” erotic spanking shindig, but nothing further than that. We’re currently perfectly happy involving no punishment at all. While that may be controversial in certain circles, that’s what we’re most comfortable with.

Hypothetically speaking, if we ever were to get to a place feeling comfortable to involve some manner of punishment, just get me doing the dishes for a month or writing a few lines. That’ll get the message across, believe you me! 😂

All my love,

Violet xx

*Picture – Pinterest