Finding the balance

I’d mentioned in Is it that obvious? and Let’s talk doggy style… that I have been researching as much as I can about BDSM and kinks, particularly looking in to the D/s (Dominance and submission) aspect. Being able to explore this part of myself has made me feel more confident and more like myself than ever and so far he has supported me ever step of the way.

To pinpoint where I am right now, I’m still very much in the heavy researching phase before properly trying to do a scene. We’ve spoke a little on certain things we’d be open to try and wouldn’t do etc. and we’ve experimented a little with calling him “Sir” in the heat of the moment and being more submissive in the bedroom etc. but an actually play, full start-to-finish scene we haven’t actually done as of yet.

If we do something like that in the future, I don’t think it would be for a while yet. Honestly, I wouldn’t have that any other way. Like I’ve said many times before I don’t want us to run before we can walk. There’s a lot more talking to be done before we can even consider a scene like that.

I am much kinkier than my boyfriend and he’s openly said so to me for a long time. That being said, I’m still very vanilla, just with a few sprinkles and chocolate chips thrown in here and there. My jam is sensual domination: the side of D/s with practically no sadomasochism. Despite us being partial to a bit of erotic spanking, he’s definitely not a sadist and I don’t really consider myself a masochist, so this particular side of D/s fits quite well.

I approached him with all this not long ago. I told him it’s something I would like to try with him, but only if he was comfortable with it. The last thing I would ever want to do is try something knowing full well he wouldn’t like it. The thought of that horrifies me. He matters more to me than any spanking.

There are many things I’d be interested to try and do it for me, that he wouldn’t dream of doing. For example, I don’t mind a little bit of dirty talk involving words like, “his dirty slut” etc. For me that would be naughtily hot, but for him that’s an outright NO.

He refuses to call me anything he considers degrading like “his slut”. The thought of saying those kind of things to me even in a play sense upsets him. The way he sees it, he wants to love and look after me and using potentially degrading dirty talk contradicts that. He gets why others find it a turn on, but for him it’s a flat out no.

Anything he considers too rough is also a no, which I agree with. To provide some context, he’s a very strong guy. All he has to do is give me a big bear hug and I’m tapping his shoulder going, “Babe? Kinda need to breathe!”.

It almost goes without saying that a 24/7 arrangement is just not for us right now, if ever. Being in that mind set all the time isn’t for him and it would exhaust me. We need to have our time where we are just everyday Vi and Vi’s boyfriend. I’m personally more than happy keeping it to le boudoir right now (it might stay there, who knows?) and even then only when we feel like it.

I wholeheartedly respect his limits as he does mine. Like I heard a dominatrix (I cant remember which one) say, it’s like a sexy venn diagram. You have your likes/dislike, they have theirs and you meet in the middle.

What has pleasantly surprised me, is communicating these things with each other is really exciting. Being so open about accepting about my own sexuality has given me this new lease of life.

Also, I put forward something I am interested in trying and he agreed that it would be hot! I didn’t think he’d be up for this particular thing, so it simultaneously surprised and excited me. There have been many times where my interest is his hard limit and that’s completely fine. Through this communication, we have grown a lot closer and we’re pretty close to begin with.

In the midst of finding our own balance, I’m hanging on for the ride and seeing where it takes us.

 

All my love,

Violet xx

 

*Picture – Pinterest

 

 

 

 

15 thoughts on “Finding the balance

    1. Thank you Sweetgirl 😊 I have to admit when I first started researching I just wanted to jump straight in to it! 😂 Taking things slow on experimenting is what’s working best for us right now, gives us more time to talk 😊 x

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  1. I am glad that you are finding some things that you both want and also finding a pace that suits you both as that is very important. In my experience you need strong foundations if you want D/s to go beyond the bedroom so it is important not to rush in 😊

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    1. I completely agree, thanks Missy 😊 I’m taking it completely at his pace and what he’s comfortable with, rushing in would just be a disaster! 😂 I’d like to experiment with it out of the bedroom at some point (like for a few hours a month/week etc.) but only if he wants to 😊 x

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  2. May I say something here… each person has to find their own way with each other. Try to stay away from the labels and take what you like from A and a bit from B. Some labels lock us into the perceived beliefs with those words. Explore only those things you enjoy. Create a wonderful loving relationship that you can wander through hand in hand. Let it be a joy and fun discovery. ❤

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    1. Thank you so much for commenting! 😊 I’m not usually one for labels but admittedly it has been quite difficult not to get sucked in by them when trying to find my feet. You’re completely right, pigeon holing yourself can just restrict us when we want to explore 😊 Thank you! Xx

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