In the early stages of our relationship, my boyfriend told me on multiple occasions that I was kinkier than him, and kinkier than I would like to admit. Me, shy and timid in comparison to the brutally honest, open person I am now, rebuffed this, telling him that wasn’t the case. I had still not properly come to terms with my kinkiness, feeling very much closeted on that front.

Turns out you were right, honey! 😂

My boyfriend is easily one of the most perceptive, if not the most perceptive person I have met. He can see right through me. Nothing gets past him at all. If the slightest thing was bothering me and no one knew, amidst my insisting I was fine he’d be the one to say, “No you’re not. Tell me what’s wrong?”

Now I’ve delved in to fully accepting my kinks yet he’d got me pegged from day one. Even now I still sometimes worry that some of my kinks might freak him out. But each time he’s always said no.

Me: You don’t think I’m weird?

Boyfriend: No, why would I think that?

Me: I just don’t want to freak you out, that’s all.

Boyfriend: (Laughs) I’m not freaked out at all!

Me: Not even a little about me being kinky?

Boyfriend: Vi, I already knew you were.

How? I thought. How did he figure out I was a proper little kinkster before I did? Like I said, crazily perceptive! That and wanting to try a little light bondage with a scarf of mine might have been a bit of a giveaway…*sigh**facepalm*.

It’s like when I met with a bestie for a catch up recently. The friend I mentioned when I confided to him about my kinks, turns out he was a little on the kinky side as well. For the sake of anonymity, I’ll call him Kinky Bestie.

We talked general life, boyfriends (he’s openly gay) work etc. Then it got on to my writing and just sex in general. He’s one of my closest friends, of course sex is going to be a topic of discussion 😉

I don’t know if anyone else has ‘come out’ so to speak to any friends/family around them. But if you have, did you feel the same nerves I did? A fear of being judged by that lot of stereotypes that people who are kinky are, “emotionally damaged” or “weird?” Feel free to let me know.

So anyway, I told him and he was absolutely brilliant. We talked very openly about where we stood on it all and he even found the Instagram for one his favourite Shibari artists for me to look at. If that’s not true friendship, I don’t know what is! 😂

Despite the very positive reception, I still felt some nerves niggling away at me, when he said something very similar to what my boyfriend had.

Me: So you don’t think I’m weird?

KB: Not at all. I always knew you had it in you.

Me: (open-mouthed) Is it really that obvious?!

KB: (joking around) Well, I could tell that you had something in you like that. And I thought, “It’s always the quiet ones!”

In that moment, any and all nerves I had with him completely went away and I just laughed. His bluntness is always something I’ve loved about him and as we were heading to the bus stop, we compared BDSM/Kink -related books we’ve either read or want to read. He recommended a few Shibari artists for me to have a gander at and I was telling him about me being a switch.

I’m relieved that some of those around me know and so far haven’t been judging. Honestly, it would have broke my heart if that had happened with either boyfriend or Kinky Bestie. But thankfully, that hasn’t happened.

Plus, it sure is nice to have a catch-up with a friend where you can unabashedly talk about Shibari and D/s over a nice cup of tea! 😉

All my love,

Violet xx

*Picture – Pinterest