5 Things To Remember When Dating An Older Man

This is kind of a follow-up from my Ramblings: Dating someone older.

If you haven’t read it yet, please do 😊

Just like last time, a little disclaimer: I’m not wishing to generalise anyone by their age. Everyone is different and I’m only going from my own personal experiences.

Anyway, on with the post!😀

  1. You WILL be at different points in your life.

If you’re 26 and he’s 40, it goes without saying you’ll be in different chapters in your life. You might be wanting to go to a bar every Friday night, he’d rather stay in with a glass of wine.

He may be ready to settle down and start a family, you may not. Or you may want to but he already has kids and he’s decided for him, two is enough. Make sure you talk to each other honestly about what you both want and make sure you’re on the same page in your relationship.

2. Age doesn’t necessarily equal maturity

For the love of God, don’t tar every man remotely older than you with the same brush. We’ve all read those books where the romantic older hero is some suave, suited gentleman who’s more sophisticated than a 200-year-old Cognac. But this is reality. Take every person as you find them, as an individual.

When I was a single 20-year-old student, I went on two dates with a then-friend I’d known for a while from dancing nights at our city’s bars. He was a 32-year-old engineer. We got along well, talked for hours and I found that I quite liked him. Then, I found out on date 2 that he actually had a girlfriend and was just looking for a bit on the side. I immediately gave him what for and got out of there faster than a bat out of hell!

Don’t generalise. There’s good men and not so good men in every walk of life, every age etc.

3. He may be more old-school

May being the optimum word here. Like I said before, take every person as you find them, regardless if he’s 25 or 45.

If he is, prepare to not be phased when he opens the door for you, picks up the tab despite your protests, and offers to carry your exceedingly heavy bag for you. Going from my own experience, it’s not because he’s trying to be chauvinistic and throw your hard earned independence back in your face.

It’s his way of looking after you and being a gentleman.

This doesn’t just go for older guys either. Plenty of my guy friends in their 20s do this as well. Being a woman who loves that kind of thing, keep at it guys! A bit of chivalry never hurt anyone!

4. Cultural reference clash

Just as a little heads up, there’ll be a few times where this happens:

You/Him: That was such a good show!

You/Him: Never heard of it

Followed by that moment of silence where you both realise your age and either him saying something like: “Well I feel old!” or you thinking, “Well I feel uncultured…”

You’ll probably have this a lot and at times it might feel like you’re speaking two completely different languages. You might even question if the relationship is right for you both or not, but it doesn’t have to be awkward.

My best advice? Laugh! Just laugh it off and then learn from each other. He can educate you on the amazingness that is Miles Davis (but seriously, who doesn’t love Miles Davis’ music? I’m yet to find someone!) and you can introduce him to Bubble Tea. Problem solved!

5. More experience…

He’s been on this earth longer than you have. He’s seen more, done more and got a fair bit more life experience.

So chances are, he’ll know a thing or two. And to answer the age-old question: yes, as a general rule, that includes in the sack. He’ll have picked up a few things in how to please a lady and generally speaking, is more self-assured in the bedroom.

Mind-blowing hanky-panky antics aside, with that bit more life experience, you won’t be short of things to talk about (unless he’s a complete bore, but still) There’s nothing like an engaging conversation with great company to get those romantic vibes going and form a connection.

Intelligence is sexy! If you want a partner, you’ve got to make sure you can talk to them when all said and done!

For me, all you have to do is get talking about literature and I’m more breathless than Kiera Knightley in a corset! 😂

I never expected someone talking about economics to be a turn on…until I met my boyfriend. Phew, Lordy!! 😂

See what happens! As long as it’s between two consenting adults, enjoy yourself and have fun! 😊

 

All my love,

Violet xx

5 thoughts on “5 Things To Remember When Dating An Older Man

  1. As someone who has been there done that… one of my first girlfriends post my divorce was much younger than me (18 years). We had a good relationship and a lot of fun. But I was in a different stage of my life. She said she didn’t want kids but I really didn’t believe her. She was only 26 and from a big family. So I broke it off. I did it in person and it was difficult but I didn’t want to do the cowardly thing and use a phone call. She swore up and down she didn’t want kids and we could marry and be happy but I knew it wouldn’t work. She later found someone, married him, and has one son. He is about 11 years old now and is the apple of her eye. We remain friends. Point is, we were in different life stages. This is so important when making a relationship work. Good post!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks 🙂 Kids is such a huge one in relationships where there’s an age gap. My ex had a little girl who was absolutely beautiful and told me he didn’t want any more. Considering we were both 19 at the time that’s a decision I was way too young to make right off the bat.
      It was a concern when I met my boyfriend, the whole “what if he wants kids and I’m not ready?” as he was ready to start settling down when I met him. It is something you really need to talk at length over. Thankfully, it’s something we’re both on the same page on.
      I’m glad you two are still on good terms, and credit to you for doing that in person, that can’t have been easy at all. You were thinking of her and as you said, now she’s married with a son she thinks the world of and you found your Queen 🙂 x

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I couldn’t do it over the phone. Not the right thing to do. But I am on good terms with most of my ex-girlfriends. In fact four of them married their next boyfriend. And I attended three of the weddings.

        Liked by 2 people

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