Musings on exploring BDSM/Kink – Part 4

On By MissVioletGreyIn BDSM, Blog, D/s, Romance, Uncategorized, Writing

I mentioned in Part 2 of these musings that I identify as a switch, meaning I can switch between both a dominant and submissive role.

My D side has always been just that, dominant. However recently, I wanted to explore more of my submissive side. I hadn’t really done that as much as I had with my D side.

In many ways, I’m naturally submissive. When it comes to relationships, I’m more old-school. I’ve never had a dating app, nor have I had one night stands (I have no issue with either, they just never were for me.) If it was a choice between those and an old fashioned courtship, I take courting.

Since I can remember, I’ve always adored men who are chivalrous. I think it’s lovely when a man holds the door open for a woman, helps her in to her coat, walks on the side of the pavement closest to the road, offers his arm etc. I grew up on old movies, so I blame them lol (I’m looking at you, Gene Kelly! xD) I’ve neither expected these things nor demanded them from a man (you can’t tar people with the same brush, in my eyes that’s not right) these are just traits I find very attractive.

Whenever that’s happened, I don’t see it as he thinks me weak or unable to do these things myself. I see it a kind and respectful gesture. It makes me feel cared for, looked after and naturally, I fall in to a more submissive space.

In my general life, I’m very much a go-getter. I enjoy independence and I love my work. So when I wanted to tap in to my submissive side in a kink context, I had a lot of questions I was asking myself.

Would I like giving up control? Would I resonate with that “freeing” feeling many subs talk about or would I find the dominance too stifling?

So far, I’ve found a submissive side I really enjoy and I resonated with that freeing feeling. There’s that free feeling in dominant and submissive but in a different way for me.

I began asking myself other questions:

What kind of submission do I resonate strongest with? What kind of Dom would I want/need?

I brought up in a previous post that so far, I prefer the sensual side of D/s than the other. I’m not one for pain, giving or receiving. I don’t like the idea of hurting someone even if they want me to. I’m fine with the erotic elements of light impact play but not pain pain. (truthfully, if someone showed me a cane I’d probably run away screaming lol) I took that bdsmtest.org test a little while back and my two lowest scores were Sadist and Masochist, so that pretty much sums it up lol!

So Dom-wise, I prefer the dominant yet gentle kind of Dom. Going with my love of old school courtship, I suppose that appeals to and drives my submissive side the most 🙂

 

All my love,

Violet xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

15 thoughts on “Musings on exploring BDSM/Kink – Part 4”

  1. Thank you for sharing, Violet.
    It’s interesting you specifically mention accepting chivalry with submission. I have found that type of behavior resonates strongly in F/m as well and I have never viewed behaving in that way as seeing the other as weak, more as a sign of respect, reverence, and adoration.
    I find it interesting that this can be seen in opposite ways.
    Take care.

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    1. I don’t know I’ve just seen it as a way of taking the lead without it coming across as demeaning or something that makes me uncomfortable (I.e. degradation etc. is top of my hard limits) I like the protective approach that’s a bit more gentle I suppose lol 😊
      Thank you you too 😊 x

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      2. Oh yes of course! 😊 I didn’t mean to imply they didn’t, sincere apologies if it came across that way.

        I meant in the sense how for example in your last post you talked about that balance of love and cruelty that you prefer in F/m. We both get the love but with me I don’t desire the cruelty as it would put me in a very negative headspace.

        Thank you, I enjoy reading your posts for the same reasons 🙂 Take care xx

        Liked by 1 person

      3. You didn’t come across that way. I just wanted to reiterate it. Protective instinct is something that still shines through in my submission.

        The cruelty aspect often affects us based upon our internal image that we are convinced of as truth. It’s kind of a twisted dynamic at its heart, but it can be quite interesting to explore from a psychological standpoint.

        Take care.

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      4. By all means, reiterate away! 😊 Of course, despite the inequality power dynamic it is a team effort when all said and done, imo 😊

        See that’s why I can’t go near F/m, M/f cruelty, with the bad experience I had a few years back. Psychologically it is fascinating as to why some are drawn to things when others aren’t.
        Thank you as always for your comments fur, you always offer a very interesting insight 😊 xx

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      5. collaredmichael

        Many things you talk about I do naturally. We often take walks and I always am on the side of the cars. I open doors and try never to walk ahead of my Queen. Some of my rules would fall into this category as they are all about showing respect. Generally I have no problem keeping them. But occasionally… lol.

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  2. passionateliasons

    It’s interesting to see this more subtle side to the type of dominance you find attractive normally it’s just either one end of the scale or the other.

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  3. Sweetgirl

    7 months ago, my view on the cane was exactly this…. “NO WAY” but it’s now one of our favourite toys. MrH doesn’t hurt me with it at all I find it very relaxing.

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  4. Pingback: Musings on exploring BDSM/Kink – Part 5 – Life of Violet

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